Boski's Blogopoluza!

Here is a Boski Original, first used on this blog in Dec. 2005. I am bringing it back, since apparently I was also in a holiday malaise. After doing this I felt much better, but I am going to use the version I wrote to my roto hoops league (so that is why there is some bizarre NBA references), also punch it up a little so I can think I am cooler than I am.

Please enjoy.


DISCLAIMER ALERT!

Some of the content has been reformatted to fit Blogger Beta and some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any unwritten use of this blog is prohibited by Major League Baseball . . . .

A Boxing Day Tale

By Boski


Next to St. Harold's Day to celebrate the the patron saint of Designated Hitters, and the Feast of McLean Stevenson, I love Boxing Day. Did you know that it has 86% more boxing than Arbor Day. Who knew, since Arbor Day brings out the pugilist in all of us, doesn't it? It is the holiday where we celebrate The Baby Jeebus victory over Frosty the Snowman, in a unanimous decision (He won on all three wise men’s cards), at Caesars, to win the Heavyweight title.






Shortly afterwards he performed the Miracle of the Blessed Press Your Luck. When he took four spins with three Whammies and parlayed it into $10,000, a Apple IIe, and a trip to Acapulco.








If that was not enough he stepped in for Jimmy Chitwood and successfully ran the picket fence to win the Indiana High School Basketball Title.

The joy was short lived. Baby Jebus soon was forced to flee to Idaho. The flight to Idaho, or Oregon's Spain for you Colbert viewers, was due to the evil Don King






with the help of Nevada Athletic Commission and a trumped up charge of cheating while playing Boggle.





Don was jealous of Baby Jebus and was P.O's since he refused to defend his title against Mitch "Blood" Green, or Peter McNealy.







So he sought to hunt him down and force him into a life of vice with Fitness Made Simple guru Jon "I am Tre Wingo's Frosted Tipped Brother" Blesdow.







Along the way Baby Jebus crossed the paths of Mr. T , Edna Garrett, World B. Free and Cooter. They started a punk/bluegrass/bass and drum super group. Think the Ramones, meets Foggy Mountian Boys and they are hanging out with Goldie's sound people all tweeked out on crank.

This new supergroup then lead the football Cardinals out of St. Louis and into the desert. Shortly afterward they built a workshop/disco outside of Pahrump, Nevada. And with the help from the Transformers and Alan Thicke, they made invented New Coke,





timeshare condos, grout, Police Academy Movies and vacuums. Each December 26th the Baby Jebus would load up his mint Yugo and deliver these gifts/tax write-offs to all the good children, penguins and utility infielders. All to celebrate the his wonderful deeds and to find a good excuse to find a way to waste a day playing Frogger.

The gig was good but the Baby Jebus wanted to get into other mediums. He developed a couple of hit TV shows, L.A. Law, Murder She Wrote and the Fall Guy. He also hooked up with and toured with Sir-Mix-A-Lot in the late 80’s. In fact, co-produced Mix-A-Lots album “Seminar” and co-wrote the hit “Beepers”. Sadly he was never given credit. After that fallout he had a sting of serious setbacks. First was the failure of his solo joint Oaktown 3-5-Jeebus. Then he backed the sequel to Buckaroo Bonsai, which lead to a near fatal run-in with Tree Rollins. He fled to Hungary, where he set up dry cleaning empire under an alias of Dolph Lundgren. So this left the others to run the workshop alone. They managed for a short time, but after shortly after the cancellation of Battle of the Network Stars, the holiday fell out of vogue. Then Cooter was eaten by Boss Hogg.








World B. Free was fired since he never passed the damn ball, shortly afterwards he took to seven seas and has never been heard from again. Rumor has it that he actually married his way into the Belgian Royal Family where he now only three mishaps from being King.





After these multiple tragedies things look bleak. What was needed was someone who could bring back Baby Jeebus and get also get the orginal line-up of New Edition back together. But another Boxing Day Miracle occurred. When the Prophet Margin's prophecy came to be. That a mohawked T.V. action star who fools would never receive pity from, would defy science and logic and give birth to three sons. One who would deliver excellent Boxing Days rating, especially in the 25 - 49 male demo. Soon on a cold December 26th morning Mr. T jibber jabbered three children into the world, at a dry cleaners in Munice Indiana!) Some say that the Shawn "the father of our country "Kemp was behind this, but we may never know. The three children were Yahoo Serious, Dwayne Schintzius and Emmanuel Lewis.

As you know everything with Yahoo was fine until he made the movie "Young Einstein".











It was because of that he went completely Australian. Though “they”/the government/The Man, will tell you he was already Australian, it is all a huge Capricorn 1 sized cover-up. Just like the existence of the state of Wyoming. It does not really exisist, could any other place other than Hades could produce Dick Cheney. Think about. Look Fennis Dembo was a government fabrication.


Dwayne Schintzius took his height to Florida where his college career took off, but he studied the black arts of Bill Wennington. Then when he ventured to the NBA he was struck by a lethal case of BeniotBenjimanitis. Don't believe me, just look at the numbers.



It was now all up to Emmanuel Lewis who even with his short stature, which was due to the fact he lost 3 feet of height due to bacarat losses he incurred. Proved his worth when he savagely bludgeoned Falco at the Third Farm Aid concert to gain access to Willie Nelson hair to retrieve Baby Jebus' keys for his Yugo . Soon he was off to Budapest and he brought Baby Jeebus and that frosty Lime colored Yugo back to the public eye. Soon he was back to that old Boxing Day magic. For that he was rewarded with a three picture deal from Fox Searchlight. He also received funding to launch a new international space station that will resemble Arnold’s from Happy Day to study the effects of Popping and Locking on the ozone layer He is now rumored to be engaged to Bea Arthur after his advances where spurned by one of the Hilton's, it maybe Paris or it could have been Barron Hilton, again we just don't know.


My tale is finished and I hope you everything I have said is true, true insanity, or is it????

Decency and good taste may still be alive in America.

Why, how, who?

O.J. "Special" canceled.

I never thought I would see the day that even FOX/ News Corp. would say that one of its projects was "ill-considered".

But you know it must be really bad, if I agree with Bill O' Reilly on something, and to quote Vincent Vega, "that's a bold statement".

Now the rumor going about is that before this decision came down, a group of FOX and News Corp. executives had been rushed to area hospitals, for complaints of pain. Thankfully after meeting with medical authorities, it was discovered that the pain was coming from something called a conscience. But a spokesperson for both FOX and News Corp. said that they are looking into a safe ways of removing it.

I may get to operate the shake machine by next week.

They are throwing things are me left and right. Thankfully this time it is information and not rotten vegetables. But try to make this all stick is what scares me, since I think I am 99% sure I am ADD. Which makes taking in info tough unless it is something I really enjoy. Now if this job was about the 1998 Denver Broncos, The Simpson, the 2005 White Sox, or the XFL, then I would be CFO. But sadly it is not the case. But what I am learning is interesting. But the training itself is rough. I am someone who has a tough time getting out of my comfort zone. I have a million of questions, but I just don't know how to formulate them. I will on the Monday morning when my trainer has left, but isn't that always the case.

I hope you all had a kick ass All-Saints Day.

Halloween Wrap-up. The Better Half and I trudged through the morass that is traffic and made it to my mom's. After an hour and and fifteen minutes on the road we made it. When we got there, my nephews were already out trick-o-treating. We were at first sad that we missed them, but realized how could you contain a 7 and 2 year old' from going out when it was dark. Come on everyone, when it was Halloween, I think all of us started pleading to go out at the earliest possible time. Being on the West Coast I know I was ready to go when it turned dark on the East Coast, so I can't blame them. So we had a nice little dinner with my Mom and my sister. The kids and my Brother in Law came back and let me say that the two boys looked precious. Yes I said it. Wha da goin to do bout it? One was Thomas the Train, and the other an astronaut. The boys had come back to drop off their initial haul. After they had then we took them out for a quick trip to some houses they had not gone to yet. I will say it was worth the aggravation on the roads to see this. The two year old was so excited and was a chatterbox, so was the seven year old. The Better Half and I had a ball with those two. When we got home we hung out with the family and passed out candy. Which brings me to something. Let me say, if you are over the age of 13 and your are out trick-a-treating, stop it. Let it go. Go to a party do something else, leave Halloween for the small kids. All you are doing is showing you are an ass. The worst thing about the Jr. High and High School kids is that you have to be nice or they come back and the they either TP, egg, smash your pumpkins, or hell, set you house on fire. But hey I am just saying.

Memories of Halloween past - I now do remember that for one Halloween I did have a costume party to go to, I took the easy route with my costume. The only thing about it was I broke some rules to do it. One year I went as Jungle Cruise Skipper, which only meant I had to smuggle out my costume. Thankfully no one should up as a Hippo with wiggling ears, or I was going to have to bust a cap. Hey look at me I am on edge!

Hey I have a question, to write a book don't you have to first be able to read one? If so, then why is Kevin Ferderline writing is autobiography? Will this be the first ever autobiography/coloring book? What title do you give such an opus on a no-talent rapping, crappy dancing, dead beat dad who as much street cred as Barry Manalow? Because I think "You're OK and I am douche" is the working title of Vanilla Ice's book.

Well I have to run.

We live in a great country. It is a place where a company will pay a couple of guys $1.65 Billion for something they really do not own. But as long as they keep the the hits coming I should not question anything.

Well it looks like Kim is not going to get go to Camp David. Hey I have not heard anyone blame the Clinton's for North Korea. Oh wait here we go. Wow, just when I thought I could have even less respect for McCain he goes and shows me. Go suck it Mr. McCain. You are now becoming a lap dog for a man who dragged you through the mud. Just so you can make a run for the White House. Well, right now if there is justice and God. You will get Bush's endorsement as his approval rating hovers around 16%.

Another case of Republicans eating themselves? Looks like it. So someone may have known about this since 2001. Great. Speaking of the Foley Scandal. Which is now in the top 10 of Washington scandals. My Fav is the Teapot Dome Scandal. They just don't make them like that anymore. Wait since that happened in Wyoming in the 20's, so Darth Caney had to have something to do with it. Oh, I am getting sidetracked again. Hey Senator Bratwurst you say you will can anyone you find that knew about this and didn't come forward. So we should expect you to turn in your resignation this week or next?

I am happy to see that the polls are showing the G.O.P is sucking ass. But I worry that they will get back into power in the not so distance future, because they are leaving such a mess that people may shoot the messenger when they find out that our treasury, economy, education, infrastructure, environment and I could go on and on is in the crapper. They will try to spin it that this didn't happen while we were running things. I would hope that America would not fall for that, that it would grit it's teeth and work to fix it. But there are too many out there who vote for "American Idol" and I think they could be swayed to do whatever by some shiny objects.

Don't mess with Babs, she will cut you.

Is this why it take forever to get a pot hole filled?

So it looks like King George has come to his senses, for the moment. I wished he had done it and just gone nuts. Fire everyone and overpay for stiffs, just like the 80's. Yo A-Rod I would start boxing things up.

Rats, the ways things are going I would have voted for them on the Truthiness Ticket.


Please sit relax and have a Fresca.

I think there was one thing this weekend that was scarier than the North Korean Nuclear test.


The wife was checking the channels to see what was on. See happened mentioned the late 80's action fiesta Action Jackson. This was not Carl Weathers best work, in fact he does better acting in the last half of Rocky IV. Also I think Craig T. Nelson may have still be on the drink at the time. But when she did, without hesitation, I blurted dialogue from the film,

Captain Armbruster "You broke the kids arm!"

Action Jackson "He had another."

I need help, lots and lots of help.

I was just working away. Listening to Launch on Yahoo. Nothing out of the ordinary. When it happened. I got a computer virus. They played K-Fed.

How am I going to explain this to IT? Maybe I will just put on the Help Desk ticket that it is circus midget porn, or something.

How could Launch do this? I mean seriously. I thought there were firewalls to protect against this. Man, I think they could have at least give me warning.

I know you think I am exaggerating but in just a short time I have run into the following problems with this computer:

There is now a lit cigarette hanging out of the disk drive.

It's mooching off the server.

It now reeks like a bag of Cheetos.

The keyboard is not sporting rings.

It is also leaking Mountain Dew. (I hope to god that it's Mountain Dew)

Every time I try to do work, it goes into sleep mode.

The fax machine and printer are now pregnant.


So thanks Launch, thanks a lot.

Oh wait, I think I may be able to fix this. I may be able to clean this machine if I wave an employment application in front of it. That will either clean it, or destroy it.

Wish me luck