Boski's Blogopoluza!

At 72, Hylton plans comeback at Daytona 500

Hey I am glad this a guy who wants to pursue a dream and he is not letting his age stop him, but I think Mr. Hylton is going to face some problems:

The beating he gets for driving at 40 mph for the whole race

Double that beat down when he drives the whole race with his blinker on

Hip(s) popping out in one of the turns if he does hit triple digits

No one in the pit crew is going to touch that catheter

Other racing teams will sabotage his racing by making false reports in the pit area about when Matlock is coming on

Will infuriate racing sponsors when pull over and falls asleep after two laps of a night race, since he is up way too late

Will cause a multiple vehicle crash when dentures fly out

Will cause furor when he takes his grandkids along in the car

Another reason why I am not a NASCAR fan. First its not a sport, two it wastes gas and three now it is being used to endanger the elderly.

If someone one was to go into the adult video industry and they where to base their operations in Afghanistan, would the name of the operation be "The Mujaobscene"?

Just asking.

Being the # 1 seed in the AFC for the playoffs. Even if your name is not Schottenheimer it still a tough gig. Since 1992 the AFC#1 seed has lost 11 times before the Super Bowl.

2006 Chargers
2005 Colts
2004 Steelers
2001 Steelers
2000 Titans
1999 Jaguars
1997 Chiefs
1996 Broncos
1995 Chiefs
1994 Steelers
1993 Miami

Just something to chew on and amaze your friends. Well I hope to give more fruitful commentary soon.

Please sit back and relax and enjoy, "Vegemite the Musical"

Wow another busy week has ended and I am crispy right now. I have been training someone on my old job. A position I barley under myself. All the while trying to keep that said job from bursting into flames. Which has kept me from doing the work for the position I just got put into. Added bonus this week, everyone has been sick, so I have had to do most of it without a net. Which means there will be lots of crying and finger pointing in the near future.

To show you how done I am this week, I can't even give you a half hearted attempt to make some really unfunny obscure and arcane reference, not even something about the Treaty of Westphalia.

Mmmmmmm, the birth of the Nation-State arrrrrrrruuuuuuuwwwwwgggggghhhhhhh. Oh where was I, oh I remember now.

Have a good weekend everyone.

New Wave of Troops set for Iraq.

Don't you have enough pairs of Bad Idea Jeans Mr. President?

Harold Douglas Baines the Partron Saint of Sweet Swinging Lefthanded Designated Hitters only got 5.3% of the votes for the Hall of Fame.

You sportswriters are on dope!

I am going to blame the following people:

The President, yes the president, while high on the Bolivian marching powder, he traded for Harold and made me root for Sammy Sosa. That f'ing bastard.

Mr. Reinsdorf for dealing Harold to Texas and nearly crushing a young teenager. I did not talk to anyone for about three days. Thanks to you, Harold missed out on the New Comiskey, which would have helped him reach 400 HR's.

Jerry Manuel - You could not give Harold a couple of starts when the season was in the shitcan. You and that mental midget Terry Bevington can go suck it. Also that goes to any manager that would not let Harold see left handed pitching.

The Indians for trading for Harold and subjecting him to the evil that is Indian baseball.

The state of Delaware, just because I have always wanted to hold a grudge against a state.

Well Harold stays on the ballot for another year at least.

Okay, I feel better now. Okay back to your business.

Holy crap did this weekend suck.

Friday I got out of my office late, since I was trying to get crap ready for a review. The traffic sucked so, I go home at a little bit before 7 on a Friday, and I was not even trying to drive to LA. So that blew Friday night.

Saturday I got up with a pounding headache, and did what any person would want to do on a Saturday, go to work. I have not worked a Saturday for the man in about 10 years and I remembered why I was so happy when I stopped, but at least I was paid for it. But I miss the first half for the Colts/Chiefs after seeing the stats, I may have been fortunate. But I will say the Broncos would have put a freaking fight. Stupid Chefs! Got home and crashed with that same headache. I trudged through the Seachicken/Cowboys. Maybe it was how the game ended that made my head hurt, but hey at least I am not Tony Romo today. So as soon as the game has ended I have to go lie down in a dark room, since the left side of my head was playing roller derby. This was at 8:45 PM. So I crashed again till about 9:00 the next morning, but when I arose. I did not feel pretty, my head was still killing me, I was still tired even after 12 hours of sleep, okay it was 12 hours of trying to sleep. Since I would wake up periodically wincing and pray that Skylab would fall out of the sky and end this tramshamocracy. I staggered to the couch and stayed their till about 12 when I realized one that my headache was my version of the DT's since I had not had any caffeine since Friday afternoon and boy do I love that walking through jello and thinking hurts. Two that I had not eaten since 10 AM Saturday. So I went out and tried to get a plate full of heaven at by beloved Whaoo's, but I just felt so craptastic I could only get through a half. Then came the highpoint. After watching the first half of the Giants/Eagles I took a nap, till 6:00 PM. I should have known that that would could back to bit me in the ass. So at 9:30 we turned in, since TimeWarner felt Sunday night was a great time to have hours of nothing on. Kudos to you again gentlemen, Kudos. So I climb into bed ready to try to slumber when, out of nowhere I start wheezing, then some coughing and more wheezing. I sat there for about 40 minutes trying to relax and breath, but to no avail. It was like right now was a great time for me to start to have my allergies run amok. So I got up, hacking a wheezing like Darth Vader after beat on by the Emperor and fled to a location away from my wife, since I wanted her to actually get some sleep. So from about 10:45 till about 2 I was up and I was able to do the following:

Took some Tussin,

Tried to put some clothes away

Sat in den and pounded my hand into my head.

Had my nose run a couple of miles

Trip over nearly everything in the house

Found out you can play solitaire with card and not a computer

Then I finally took the knitted blanket from the Den and a ratty pillow and slept out on the couch. I still was wheezing and it was not hard to breath, but it was not easy. But the weirdest thing was that usually I feel this in my chest, but this was sitting right under my sternum. So something new and uncomfortable. A nice feeling that has been with me all day in fact. But I laid there for awhile till I finally zonk out for about maybe an hour when my wife drags me back to our bed since she can sense that I was cold out there. So I lay down and realize that I can't sleep now, it is 5:30 already and I will be screwed if I keep my head down. So hello Monday morning. Sure I know many out there had it much worse, but I needed to get that out or someone was going to get run down in the parking lot. But nothing like starting a hectic work week with that.

But there was a bright side, the Better Half and I did get a turn table that you can plug into your PC and download you records. The Better Half has been able to pull out some hard core 80 New Wave and has been going to town. She has been downloading that stuff like crazy. So much so that this morning, I noticed all my ties were considerable skinnier today because of her actions.

Thank you for sitting through that gripe-fest, please excuse me if it any of it is a mess. I am not running on full capacity today.

The work week is done and I am ready for two days off, oh wait I almost forgot. I have to come in tomorrow.

Yeah!

President Bush writes Op-Ed for Wall Street Journal.

Look, I don't know much, but I do believe you should not write articles in papers you don't and probably can't read.

I don't see Marmaduke in the Journal, so I think that rules George out from reading it. In fact I wonder who he got to write it for him. I know we have seem some of his e-mails and this is not his writing.

Look if he was doing an Op-Ed in something like WWE Magazine, or maybe the Weekly World News I would believe that he did write it and actually almost be speaking from a position of authority. But this no. As for that article, it is just more nonsense. I love that Mr. Bush is asking for the Dems not to make or push legislation that is political. So that means we are forgetting about the last 6 years then?

When I awoke New Year's morning, even after that long night of revelry, I joined the Better Half in watching the part of the Rose Parade. When I saw something that still bends my head. Even though I knew this was going to happen I still have problems believing it. I watched on my TV a "detachment" of Imperial Stormtroopers marching in the Parade.








I am still shaking my head.



Seeing that made me remember doing the same thing, but I was 6 and it was for the Halloween pageant at Golden Elementary School.

I do hope they enjoyed it, since it looks like they will probably get re-deployed to Endor. But Darth Vader has said the Rebellion is in it's last throws. And how can the Empire lose with all those Haliburton built TIE Fighters.

Well we have made it to 2007. I hope everyone enjoyed their New Years. I enjoyed mine, being the party animal I am, it was a rip roaring night. A night that saw me finally stop the party train at 7:45 PM. Yes you read that right. I did awake at midnight when it sounded like my housing tract was taking mortar fire. Some even louder than the New Years party that was going on at the Fair Grounds, and they were pros.

But do not fear, I did ring in the New Years just like Team Boski always does. At 4:00 PM. Yep it was another GMT New Years. Which actually is great. You can go spend a couple of hours, have a couple of drinks, sober up and still get on the road before the crazies do. I recommend it. Just find a English pub near you next year and try it out. Hey I am good with a couple glasses of lager, good friends and a piper. The only thing that was not good, was the fish. I think that is why I retired for the evening early.

So I have been thinking about my New Years Resolutions and here is what I have:

1. Destroy Time Warner Cable for it's continuing crime against Boskimanity, but not getting this whole NFL Network thing solved
2. Blog more
3. Watch more sports
4. Work on improving diplomatic relations between dogs and wolves
5. Stop faking the funk on the those nasty dunks
6. Play more Madden
7. Clean the garage
8. Destroy Time Warner Cable
9. Go to a Spring Training Game or two
10. Finally get the yard done so it does not become a Superfund site
11. Blog even more about destroying Time Warner Cable as I play Madden, while hoping to watch more sports
12. Come out of my shell about how I feel about our president
13. Be a better commenter on all those wonderful blogs I read
14. Make even more arcane references.
15. Bring the Goodwill games to Placentia
16. Destroy Time Warner Cable
17. Come to grips that I am never ever going to know what Willis is talking about.
18. Work on getting Pluto a new agent
19. Finally beat Steven Hawking in hoops. You are going down little man. Maybe afterwards I can convince him to help me destroy Time Warner Cable.
20. Be named the next King of Brazil.

Thirsty Man Sells Beagle to Buy Beer.

Maybe this guy can move to my Mom's street, or even to mine. I think he would be accepted by the Hillbillies.

Now when this guy did it, did he get change? I am thinking even if he got a couple of beers and the beagle was in good shape he might have gotten back a couple Dachshunds.

What do my Mom's next door neighbors, my neighbors across the street and the Bumpuses from the movie A Christmas Story have in common.

Well there are two things in common.

First is that these are the same kind of people who feel the need to park whatever vehicle they may own, dirt bike, RV, boat, monster truck, car on blocks. Wherever and however they seem fit. It may be that they do not care, or maybe there is method (or at least meth) to their madness. It could be very zen, or it may just be hillbilly code I am not sure. My guess is that it is either due to the fact they may be too loaded to realize how to properly park, or they are just assholes. I think it maybe a little from column A and a little from column B.


The second item is their wonderful devotion to proper dog handling. We have all seem the Bumpuses dogs ruining the Old Man's turkey in the movie. Which leads me to this Boski useless segue. In Gene Shepperd's' book that incident did not take place at Christmas and it was not even a turkey. It was the Easter Ham. Go and amaze your friends with that one. I dare you. Where was I, oh, as I have typed here before thanks to the yokels across the street and their dog we have had to return the a gift their dog left for us. But the idiots who live next to my Mom did a great job of making sure that their dogs where tied up. Right now they are tearing up their backyard and putting in lord knows what. Probably something tacky, something dangerous and hopefully out of code so they can get busted. But one of their dogs got out on Christmas Eve. I see this as I am bringing in gifts to my Mom's house. The dog is a small white dog, but it barking like their is no tomorrow. I walk away from the dog, and it is still barking. I make no move toward the dog or anything to antagonise it. As I get to the door the dog is still going. Now the dog is on my Mom's lawn and it is barking and barking. So this tells me the hillbillies are either out or sleeping off the egg nog bender. Now when I get inside and close the door I think that the dog will back for a little bit longer and stop. Nope, it keeps barking at the house. The Hound of Hell sees me and my wife, in the front room of the house, so it is still barking on my Mom's lawn. So I close the shades. Does that do the tick? Nope, the little bastard continues to bark for the next two hours. Till it finally gets bored and runs back to Hazard County. If it was not for the thought of not making things worse with the neighbors we should have called Animal Control. As this is going on my Mom tells me that the Hillbillies saw here out one day and brought up the barking, since someone had complained to the hillbillies. They asked my Mom how our dog was doing and that the some of the other neighbors had complained about the dogs. Thinking, oh our sweet little dog can be the one you are thinking of and if it is it because of my Mom's dogs. My Mom had to tell them that Bunky, our beagle, had passed away two years ago. They had no idea. So it looks like they can't play blame the deceased dog any more. Poor Bunky, he was not the sharpest tool in the shed and (he got by on his looks), but to blame him for your dogs shitty behavior is low.

Typically Hillbilly logic. If there is a problem, blame someone else even if it has passed away.

Thinking about it I have an idea why the dog was so agitated, they must have trained it to ward of people who read books.

Here is a Boski Original, first used on this blog in Dec. 2005. I am bringing it back, since apparently I was also in a holiday malaise. After doing this I felt much better, but I am going to use the version I wrote to my roto hoops league (so that is why there is some bizarre NBA references), also punch it up a little so I can think I am cooler than I am.

Please enjoy.


DISCLAIMER ALERT!

Some of the content has been reformatted to fit Blogger Beta and some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent. Any unwritten use of this blog is prohibited by Major League Baseball . . . .

A Boxing Day Tale

By Boski


Next to St. Harold's Day to celebrate the the patron saint of Designated Hitters, and the Feast of McLean Stevenson, I love Boxing Day. Did you know that it has 86% more boxing than Arbor Day. Who knew, since Arbor Day brings out the pugilist in all of us, doesn't it? It is the holiday where we celebrate The Baby Jeebus victory over Frosty the Snowman, in a unanimous decision (He won on all three wise men’s cards), at Caesars, to win the Heavyweight title.






Shortly afterwards he performed the Miracle of the Blessed Press Your Luck. When he took four spins with three Whammies and parlayed it into $10,000, a Apple IIe, and a trip to Acapulco.








If that was not enough he stepped in for Jimmy Chitwood and successfully ran the picket fence to win the Indiana High School Basketball Title.

The joy was short lived. Baby Jebus soon was forced to flee to Idaho. The flight to Idaho, or Oregon's Spain for you Colbert viewers, was due to the evil Don King






with the help of Nevada Athletic Commission and a trumped up charge of cheating while playing Boggle.





Don was jealous of Baby Jebus and was P.O's since he refused to defend his title against Mitch "Blood" Green, or Peter McNealy.







So he sought to hunt him down and force him into a life of vice with Fitness Made Simple guru Jon "I am Tre Wingo's Frosted Tipped Brother" Blesdow.







Along the way Baby Jebus crossed the paths of Mr. T , Edna Garrett, World B. Free and Cooter. They started a punk/bluegrass/bass and drum super group. Think the Ramones, meets Foggy Mountian Boys and they are hanging out with Goldie's sound people all tweeked out on crank.

This new supergroup then lead the football Cardinals out of St. Louis and into the desert. Shortly afterward they built a workshop/disco outside of Pahrump, Nevada. And with the help from the Transformers and Alan Thicke, they made invented New Coke,





timeshare condos, grout, Police Academy Movies and vacuums. Each December 26th the Baby Jebus would load up his mint Yugo and deliver these gifts/tax write-offs to all the good children, penguins and utility infielders. All to celebrate the his wonderful deeds and to find a good excuse to find a way to waste a day playing Frogger.

The gig was good but the Baby Jebus wanted to get into other mediums. He developed a couple of hit TV shows, L.A. Law, Murder She Wrote and the Fall Guy. He also hooked up with and toured with Sir-Mix-A-Lot in the late 80’s. In fact, co-produced Mix-A-Lots album “Seminar” and co-wrote the hit “Beepers”. Sadly he was never given credit. After that fallout he had a sting of serious setbacks. First was the failure of his solo joint Oaktown 3-5-Jeebus. Then he backed the sequel to Buckaroo Bonsai, which lead to a near fatal run-in with Tree Rollins. He fled to Hungary, where he set up dry cleaning empire under an alias of Dolph Lundgren. So this left the others to run the workshop alone. They managed for a short time, but after shortly after the cancellation of Battle of the Network Stars, the holiday fell out of vogue. Then Cooter was eaten by Boss Hogg.








World B. Free was fired since he never passed the damn ball, shortly afterwards he took to seven seas and has never been heard from again. Rumor has it that he actually married his way into the Belgian Royal Family where he now only three mishaps from being King.





After these multiple tragedies things look bleak. What was needed was someone who could bring back Baby Jeebus and get also get the orginal line-up of New Edition back together. But another Boxing Day Miracle occurred. When the Prophet Margin's prophecy came to be. That a mohawked T.V. action star who fools would never receive pity from, would defy science and logic and give birth to three sons. One who would deliver excellent Boxing Days rating, especially in the 25 - 49 male demo. Soon on a cold December 26th morning Mr. T jibber jabbered three children into the world, at a dry cleaners in Munice Indiana!) Some say that the Shawn "the father of our country "Kemp was behind this, but we may never know. The three children were Yahoo Serious, Dwayne Schintzius and Emmanuel Lewis.

As you know everything with Yahoo was fine until he made the movie "Young Einstein".











It was because of that he went completely Australian. Though “they”/the government/The Man, will tell you he was already Australian, it is all a huge Capricorn 1 sized cover-up. Just like the existence of the state of Wyoming. It does not really exisist, could any other place other than Hades could produce Dick Cheney. Think about. Look Fennis Dembo was a government fabrication.


Dwayne Schintzius took his height to Florida where his college career took off, but he studied the black arts of Bill Wennington. Then when he ventured to the NBA he was struck by a lethal case of BeniotBenjimanitis. Don't believe me, just look at the numbers.



It was now all up to Emmanuel Lewis who even with his short stature, which was due to the fact he lost 3 feet of height due to bacarat losses he incurred. Proved his worth when he savagely bludgeoned Falco at the Third Farm Aid concert to gain access to Willie Nelson hair to retrieve Baby Jebus' keys for his Yugo . Soon he was off to Budapest and he brought Baby Jeebus and that frosty Lime colored Yugo back to the public eye. Soon he was back to that old Boxing Day magic. For that he was rewarded with a three picture deal from Fox Searchlight. He also received funding to launch a new international space station that will resemble Arnold’s from Happy Day to study the effects of Popping and Locking on the ozone layer He is now rumored to be engaged to Bea Arthur after his advances where spurned by one of the Hilton's, it maybe Paris or it could have been Barron Hilton, again we just don't know.


My tale is finished and I hope you everything I have said is true, true insanity, or is it????

Yo.

Don't blame me, blame the guy who cut the power line to my office. Nice job commodore. Because of that gaffe, I have been able to play hooky. In fact I was able to see the Better Half for lunch and I got some shopping done. So it has not been all bad.

Everyone have a good weekend.

I hate the block quote on this thing.

Either that or I am just not sharp enough to handle it.

First it was Iran's President, Iamadinnerjacket holding a conference on the Holocaust being a hoax.

Then today in Washington, feeling the pressure to do something, the White House hold a big send off for Donald Rumsfeld. Which to me is like HomeTown Buffet giving a party for Nicole Richie, it just seems so wrong and very pointless.

Well Boski the party for Rummy just sounds just stupid and not mind wrenchingly wrong as Mr. Iamadinnerjacket. (He will be called that until he comes down from the crazy mountain he is on). Yes, I agree to a degree, but some of the comments made by Bush and Cheney bring it back toward Delusionalville.

Our Fearless leader on Mr. Douchfeld,

"On his watch, the United States military helped the Iraqi people establish a constitutional democracy in the heart of the Middle East, a watershed event in the story of freedom," said Bush, who hugged Rumsfeld. "This man knows how to lead, and he did. And the country is better off for it."

Mr. Bush, I would love to know which country that was made better off because I would like to look into moving there. So you saying that success equals: a bloody civil war, sky-rocketing gas prices, regional instability that may lead to even more horrific bloodshed and economic meltdown, add the degradation of our armed forces and the United States standing going down the toilet. If that is so then mission accomplished!

As for Darth Cheney here a dose of sunshine from his soup cooler,

"I've never worked harder for a boss, and I've never learned more from one either," said the vice president, hired by Rumsfeld in 1969 into the Nixon White House. "I believe the record speaks for itself: Don Rumsfeld is the finest secretary of defense this nation has ever had."

Oh how cute, are you two still dating? Hey jackass, I think you got your speech mixed up, that the one you were going to use at the Haliburton Christmas Party. If not then please drop the pipe and go lay down. Hmm looking at the quote it makes you think. Who would have thought after 1974 someone else from the Nixon White House would out do Tricky Dick himself for being the bigger a-hole in U.S. history. Well I will say that takes some talent and a lot of black magic.

As for old Rumsdouche he what he added,

Combative to the last, Rumsfeld took a slap at advocates of withdrawing U.S. troops from the war, now in its fourth year with more than 2,900 Americans dead. "It may well be comforting to some to consider graceful exits from the agonies and, indeed, the ugliness of combat," Rumsfeld said, choking up slightly as he capped a roster of speakers at his pomp-filled goodbye ceremony. "But the enemy thinks differently."

Good to see you have not lost that lovely sense of humor you douche crotch goblin. Now is that the enemy who was in it's last throws. Or is that one of the unknown knowns that you knew nothing to know about?

In his parting advice, Rumsfeld said America must increase investment in its military. "Ours is a world of unstable dictators, (What do you mean Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, oh and Iraq) weapon proliferators (Halibuton and KBR, oh I thought you said war profiteers ) and rogue regimes(Now we are talking Bush and Cheney, right?), and each of these enemies seeks out our vulnerabilities," he said. "Ours is also a world of many friends and allies, but sadly, realistically, friends and allies with declining defense investment and declining capabilities (Or maybe they just have the good sense not to get into messy regime changes or nation building) and, I would add, as a result, with increasing vulnerabilities. All of which requires that the United States of America invest more."(Wow, I mean obviously we have not spent enough in that past five years. I mean we are only talking billions Also we are obviously not as smart as you.)

Good riddance Rummy and again thanks for nothing.

P.S. I think it is a safe bet that Rummy raided the Pentagon's Office Supply room and stole whatever was not tied down. What a horse's ass.

I would now like to add the CVS that is next to the JuiceItUp.

Last week I got over a cold that hit me hard Monday and Tuesday. I feel better but since Wednesday, but all the crud and crap of my cold decided to find shelter in my lungs so I have been coughing and hacking. I have been hacking so much I may change my name to:





I miss you Hackman, in fact in honor of you I am going to go one flap down to the copier.

But I have been having coughing fits and it is driving me up the wall. It just seems what is ever in there does not want to loosen up and get out. So at time I sound just lovely, between coughing and wheezing like a broken accordion. I don't feel bad, well expect when the coughing make my head hurt. The coughing hits me when I get up, when I got to sleep, when I finish my walk and when right before I get ready for bed.

So you asking what does the CVS have to do with this. Well the Better Half went out and got me something for my cough. We followed Mr. Chris Rock advise, it was time to get some Tussin on it. So when she gets to the CVS, which is supposed to open at 7:00 AM it is still closed. She waits and now it is about 7:15 AM. So it looks like they are taking a cue from JuiceItUp. So I am adding them to the list of firebombing. So CVS "you are on notice!"

Now that was bad enough, here is the topper. At 7:15 as my wife waited, here comes Suzy Snoozebutton from the JuiceItUp. She had abandoned her post, to come over and get $1's from the CVS, which I can understand, but then these pearls dropped from her mouth,

"Wow I thought they were supposed to be open at 7:00AM."

I don't know how my wife did not hit her with a rake or any blunt object near by. I on the other hand would have gone across the street to the equipment supply company, and run her down with one of those Bobcats.

Just wanted to drop you all a little note.

I want to apologize in advance for any damage that may occur when I fire bomb the JuiceItUp. Since I will be doing this in the morning, it is affect traffic and people at the coffee place next door.

So you ask, why?

Well you see my anger comes from the fact that at least four times in the past 2 month I have tried to come down after 7:00 AM to get a smoothie before work, but it seems like the shinny bright employee of JuiceItUp, Suzy SnoozeButton and Henry Hungover feel that 7:00 AM is just way too early to open. If this will be too hard for them, then could you please change the hours from 7:00 AM to 10:00 to Whenever. Now being late 5 minutes, maybe even 10 minutes I can handle, hey that happens. But when it is 7:30 AM and you have been waiting for 20 minutes it tends to get me a little perturbed, since I have to get to a job myself. Hey I just want my smoothie, is that so wrong? Look I should be happy these slackers took the time to fill out a W-2, but come on. My suggestion to them is if the hours are a problem, I know a great field for you to work in. It is a work place that has great hours. You can show up anytime and it is okay. You know what it is called. Yes, it's called unemployment.

So merchants of the shops at the corner of Baker and Fairview you can see I have become a little bent out of shape about this. So when I whip up that Molotov Smoothie, it is not aimed at you.

Best Wishes From A Happy Costa Mesa Citizen

Was it really 35 years ago on a rainy Monday morning that I showed up?

35 is one of the milestone dates. I don't dread getting older, the only problem I have is just my knees seem to be more like 70, well maybe 75. I think back on 30 and I think wow. 2001, I had just been laid off, second time that year, a week before my birthday. Which was really nice since we were struggling to make the mortgage. So I felt totally lost at the time, and feeling like a complete loser. But I was a loser who could run 3 to 5 miles.

No real festivities today since it is a busy day for me at the old hospital. I have a dumb meeting that I have to attend, which keeps me from fleeing the hospital for lunch. I don't have really anything planned other than dinner with the wife. But Sunday was my time with the family and that is when I so scored (too bad the Broncos didn't Sunday):

Family Guy Season 3 and 4 (Freaking Sweet!)
Chicks Sporting Good Gift Card (Mmmmm UnderArmor)
Del Taco Gift Certificates (A long story)
Madden 07, (A total shock)
An Autographed Champ Bailey Football (Nice!)
2005 White Sox World Series DVD Set (I can and probably will play these over and over again)

God bless their hearts and god bless birthdays close to Christmas.

So add that with Friday at the Park, and that makes for a great weekend.

Where has the week gone. Well for me the weekend starts at 5. The Better Half is taking me for our annual ditch day to Disneyland. We have been doing this since '99. We still have people who can get us in so we go. In my tour of duty I always liked the park at Christmas time. It was tough to get mad even when guest would yell at me because I would not let their 30 inch child ride a roller coaster with a 40 inch height requirement. Or I didn't even mind when I would try to group French guests on to a train at Big Thunder, where I would ask how many? And they would yell, "We are French!"

So I am going to ride some rides, people watch, and enjoy some time with my wife. And that is how this busy weekend starts

Saturday I must venture up to Malibu. Team Boski is going out for a friend's graduation from Pepperdine. It is our second consecutive Saturday in that part of the world. Last Saturday we enjoyed the beauty of the Getty Villa. Even though I could have had a ticket to see the glorious defeat of the USC Trojans by the Bruins (It looks like USC can still get to Glendale, now they just can get on the 110 to the 5). Being at the Villa was more than worth it. Also I should have known that UCLA was going to win, since one of the rooms was devoted to Iliad and the Odyssey. Stupid Trojans, you lost because you fell for the old wooden horse trick. Everything at the Villa was just amazing. Even though my wish is to one day walk among the real ruins, I can be happy with what I saw. All I can say to all of you is go. Even if you have been to the real thing, go.

Sorry folks that is just the history nerd in me.

As for Sunday, it is up to stately Boski Manor for dinner with the family.

Well I have to get ready to get out of here, so everyone have a great weekend.

I am employed, I am employed!

I have gone from feeling like Jake Plummer to Jay Cutler.

Okay, I am almost employed, it is just a physical and background check away from the being the a freshly minted PI Specialist for Quality Management. So right now I must remind myself that the night before/day of that physical that it would not be the best time for NyQuil daiquiris and Poppy Seed muffins. As for the background check I hope they do not find out that I provided Scott Baio with the "Clear", so he could set the record for the Obstacle Course on Battle of the Network Stars, or that I was the Mole.

Wow I kinda feel like Pinocchio but without having to deal with the creepy old guy who says he makes toys. I feel like I have gone from Jake Plummer on the way out, to Jay Cutler and on my way in. Like Cutler, my performance may be like that of a rookie QB. I am hoping it will be more Marino and Big Ben than Akili Smith and Ryan Leaf.

Since they told me that I would have to interview for this position, I had been sweating it out. It did not help that the past week and a half, I have been in a really strong, "I am going to kick my own ass for all of my faults" kind of moods. Today felt like it was going to stay on that course. I woke up this morning still in that self-loathing funk. Adding to the misery was I felt like crap when I got into work. I felt like it a cold coming on or maybe just maybe it was Dengue Fever, who can tell these days. Around 11, I noticed my office mates where not around and my supervisor's door was closed. So I did what any good employee would do. I tried to listen in. I heard them mention my name and talking about me, and about what I am doing. I would have heard more but someone was coming, so I had to fain the whole, "I am just deep in thought and not trying to listen it" move. It worked.

So from what I heard, I thought, "nothing gets the Holiday's going like being laid off". Maybe I could still get a gig at a Christmas Tree lot, since there is no dog track near that I could bet on Santa's Little Helper. So, I sat and sulked and plowed through some work. Till around lunch and I just had to get out of the office. When I returned, my supervisor asked me to come into their office. Ah crap, I am going to get punked right here, right now. So I walked in and took a seat. I got the offer for the position, and not the bums rush.

So it took almost 2 years, but I may have health coverage again. Next to me, my dentist will be very happy, I will be able to send his kids and his grand kids through college and grad school now, twice.

I know the weeks ahead will be tough, but I will find a way to excel at this job, blog, watch football and holiday shop to the best of my abilities.

So I want to leave you with these words,

"San Dimas Football Rules"

You get a mint if you know where that is from.

I think that how you can sum things up. I have been in a funk, that and being busy has hampered my continuing assault on poor writing.

Well kids I did have a rant earlier in me earlier this week, but it has left me, for now.

I am going to try to get back to low brow comedy that you have come to expect.

Sorry another busy day to start back after a busy weekend. I hope everyone had a nice Turkey day. Mine was not too bad. Had a nice dinner with the good Mother-In-Law and then desert with the rest of the family. Well almost the rest of the family. It is a long rant and I am short on time.

I did a little of this, and a little of that. My weekend included a day of working on paving stones for a driveway. Nothing like 7 hours on Saturday, of being on my knees and hammers paving stones into place. Even as tough as it was, it was worth it and for a worthy cause. So right now I am still stiff, but my knees feel as bad a Jake Plummer. My knees are still warm to the touch, and it's Monday. They are warm to the point that they just sparked some papers in the trash. So I have to get going and put it out.

I will try to do give a weekend wrap up tomorrow.

It looks like I will not be locked in the basement anymore.

Yeah!

Sadly, there is a chance that I may not be employed here much longer.

????

I know, I know. But since Friday of last week things have altered some. Now it looks like the job I trained for is not mine any more. In fact they hired someone today. The job I thought I was originally going to fill, is now up for grabs. You see, I had to interview for that position Monday. Now if the key skill needed to obtain the position was sweating like Orson Wells at room temperature then I am in. I did sweat, but the interview went alright I have a lot worse. I think they have to talk to a couple more people. The major advantage I hold is that I have been working here for about a year, and they do not want to really have to train two new people. But them handing me the job is not written in stone, so I sit and wait.

Hey what are the holidays with out stress and anxiety?

Science Fiction.

I should not stress too much, things should workout, but I just needed to get that out.

I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend. I may be back with more musing, we shall see.

Decency and good taste may still be alive in America.

Why, how, who?

O.J. "Special" canceled.

I never thought I would see the day that even FOX/ News Corp. would say that one of its projects was "ill-considered".

But you know it must be really bad, if I agree with Bill O' Reilly on something, and to quote Vincent Vega, "that's a bold statement".

Now the rumor going about is that before this decision came down, a group of FOX and News Corp. executives had been rushed to area hospitals, for complaints of pain. Thankfully after meeting with medical authorities, it was discovered that the pain was coming from something called a conscience. But a spokesperson for both FOX and News Corp. said that they are looking into a safe ways of removing it.

I am going to go out on a limb and say it kinda sucked. Other than it being around 85 degrees it sucked.

It looks like someone went all HALO on someones ass. Seriously, it is just a video game system. It is not going to change your life. It might, but most likely for the worst. Just kidding, but come on people it is video game system.

It makes me think, how did we get this far as species?

Mr. Darwin, another point against you sir.

Hey, don't get me wrong, I love my video games. I have had my share: Atari 2600, Sega, Game Boy, PS and PS2. I have never felt the compulsion to get it the first day, or to hunt the most dangerous game while doing it.

Look the only time video games ever should get violent is when you have a win all sewn up in Tecmo Bowl and somehow you give up 90 yard TD with no time left, or if you playing NES wrestling and someones little brother finds a way to cheat and you can't win. That is when it is alright for you can get violent. There is actually a leagl defense to justify the action. It is called "Broken Paddle" Defense. It is right up their with the "Chewbacca Defense".


Now here is how it works. Let's say I killed Conrad Bain after losing a close game of Sonic the Hedgehog. Here is how that legal tactic would work.

District Attorney: "Your honor the state would like to charge Mr. Boski for the 4th Degree Murder of beloved TV Dad Conrad Bain Along with charges that this man has wantonly abused grammar. Mr. Boski savagely attacked Mr. Bain with Sega game system and beat him to his a pulp. Then proceeded to write about it on his Blog o' Fun. Which our forensic specialist will show is not fun, and most likely not even a real blog.

Judge: "So Council how will Mr. Boski plead to the charge of killing Conrad Bain?"

Hired legal gun from Jacoby and Myers: " We would plead Not Guilty your Honor"

Judge: "On what grounds"

Defense: "Broken Paddle your Honor, Mr. Bain, knowingly allow Mr. Boski to use the broken paddle"

District Attorney: "Ah shit!"

Judge: " Case Dismissed"

District Attorney: "Can we at least charge Mr. Boski with crimes against English and grammar?"

Defense: "Objection!"

Judge: "On what grounds?"

Defense: "Nothing, I just have always wanted to say that, but your honor, can Defense at least ask for a continuance, so I can cash this check?"

Judge: "Denied, Mr. Boski we will charge you with the other crimes."

Mr. Boski: " So I can guess where this is going to lead to."

Judge: "Yep, Mr. Boski, you are getting the chair. I have tired to read some of the entries and I would be irresponsible to allow you to continue writing. Take him away."

Mr. Boski:"Avenge me bloggers, Avenge Me!"



So in closing, the PS3 is not something worth getting shot for, now the Happy Days board game, I might take some shrapnel. But it is never cool to get violent over a video game. I have never done that, well okay, I once drew a knife on someone while playing Frogger, but I don't want to talk about it.

So that is one to grow on.

I think the words of Dean Wormer fit,

"Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life."

Let me sidebar real quick. I had a friend that I worked with at the Mouse House. Who before his wedding, was out with his future wife's parents. They were enjoying a some what pleasant meal. My friend was sensing that her parents were still a little tense. So when it came time for the fortune cookies he used that same line.

Thankfully there was still a wedding.


But back on Borat, now it seems everyone along with the buffoons mentioned above have their hand out over this movie. Even the Romanian town that filled in for Kazakhstan is suing. Sure it would be nice if they got a few more bucks, but they signed a release. So to paraphrase Borat he would say of the situation, "I got i-pod, so they got i-pod mini. Everybody know that i-pod mini's are for girls. SUCCESS!".

O.J. Simpson to discuss killings...er the alleged killings.

So at the end of this month, O.J. gets to tell us how he (wink, wink) would have committed the murders. So Mr. Simpson since you will be talking about how you would have hypothetically killed Ron and Nicole, will you tell us how you hypothetically looked for the killers. Will your tale tell us how you had A.C. Cowlings and Mr. Kardashin disposed of your alleged evidence?

This is f'ing sick and twisted.

What good could come of any of this? Seriously, other than O.J. slipping up and telling us Kato Kalen was involved.

Wow, this may top, "Home with Hitler for the Holidays", "The Manson Family On Ice" and "The Texaco Big Brother #1 Po Pot Variety Show" as worst ideas ever brought to TV. Now "Family Fun Time with the Menendez's" had potential but poor writing and a bad time slot ruined it. It got killed by L.A. Law.

Even with the wins last week, I had almost forgot that Bush was still in the White House. Then I read these:

Administration: Detainees have no rights - Hey I am not saying that all of those being held are angels, but everyone should have the right to challenge their imprisonment.

and

Bush Calls for Global Isolation of Iran - Sure this will lead to something positive. Look the government of Iran is not my favorite either. I trust them as far as I can throw them, and yes I do believe they are working on a bomb, but right now why don't we talk to them. Let us not totally abandon the carrot just yet. Iran is a power in the region and we have to deal with it. Since we have messed things up so nicely in Iraq we don't have very many options or are in a great position or strength. So let's try diplomacy, so we do not get ourselves or our allies entangled into another bloodbath. Hey it would be nice to tell them to take a flying leap, but sadly we depend on oil. That and since we have pissed off a lot of world they look at this as us bullying. So that makes this "take it or leave it" not the most feasible of ideas. I understand that Israel is very concerned and it should be, so for their and the global economy sake let's try talking. But if we do, let us send someone competent please. But then GW is still running things so it is a long shot.

Thank you to anyone who got through that mess I just spewed.

Today is my first at the shake machine and the trainee hat is off!

So far, no one has been injured or maimed under my watch, but give me time.

Right now I can't get into the computer of the person who I am filling in for, so there are some items I can't get to and that kinda sucks. But I have a call into them and hopefully I will hear from them.

Also today I got something today that I know will sound silly to all of you. They gave me a pager, and I didn't have to sell blow to get it either. The drawback, there was not gum in it. I was hoping it was like my cell phone. Boy I could go for some gum.

But that is what I am up to here at the Hospital.

As for my weekend, not too eventful. The only thing was Sunday when the Boski's almost got a couple cats. But I was not ready for it. Over the past few years I have come the realization that I am a cat person and so is the Better Half. Don't get me wrong I still love dogs, but if I am going to get a pet, it is going to be a cat. But this weekend I could not pull the trigger. I felt shitty about not getting them, but our house is not ready for them and if I am going to be a cat owner, I need to be a responsible one. Also we did not even consult the Adorable Stalker about this.




I worried that he would feel hurt. I know he is just a cat, but look at him. Do you want to hurt his feelings? Yep, that's what I thought.

Well I have to go take a walk and then I have to go back to the mines. Now where is that canary?

When I returned to work for this hospital. I was happy that I was freed from the missile silo-esque subterranean office. I am not one to be kept underground for long periods. But one thing about my new position is that I will spend time in a new basement. But at least it is way nicer than the other one. It also has an element of danger to it. Since where I go is Medical Records I have to pull files off the shelves and since they are motorized I can be crushed. I hope they will hear me when I reenact the Trash Compactor scene from Star Wars. Other than that, I am still scared of the job ahead of me. Good news though, some of the training is actually sticking, so I might pull this off.

Well I have to get back to it.

I wished this had happened years ago, but I will take what I can get.

RUMMY is OUT!

Wow, Rummy is out, Santorum is out coming this January and K-Fed has been kicked to the curb. Sweet Jebus that some good news.

So Mr. Rumsfeld as you leave I would like to extend both middle fingers to you to express my feelings on your service to America. I know you will do a book and end up with a high paying consultant job, but I do hope that your failures haunt and torment you from now, till you pass.

So thanks, thanks for nothing asshole.

I am hoping so, thanks to last night. Now the Dems have to come in and get things back on track. Maybe just maybe this can be the start of cleanup of bio hazard mess that Mr. Bush has crafted for us. I feel better that it could be starting now, than having to wait for the 2008 elections.

So with the stakes high things have to get done, or that light will not be an exit, it will just be a fright train.

Sadly here, my state will have Arnold for four more years. Also my city council will be run by wackos. But I still went out and did my civic duty. The Better Half and I made the wait in line go quickly with a rousing game of War. I had to surrender when it was time to vote, I was down to just one card. Since it was an ace it would have taken awhile to lose, but I was not going to win.

Can you hear all the Radical Right wackos squirming right now. I would not be surprised if Fox is reporting that the Terror Alert is at Red. Also, I think now having Mrs. Pelosi as Speaker, Rush maybe back on the Hillbilly Heroin.

VOTE!

It won't hurt and afterwards they give you juice and cookies, oh wait that giving blood. But still go vote, go harass someone to vote. Those who do not go out and vote should be pelted with lunch meat.

It is time to tell them those who are running us into the ground that we have had enough.

So you do forth and vote my friends. Okay, I have to get going.

As if it is not busy enough at work, the weekend kept me hopping.

Friday - Took our oldest nephew out again for more high school football. Which is not unusual, but the last time I was at the venue to watch football was 1994. I watched a football game at The Big A. That is right the high school team she supports plays can play their games at this site, mine you would be lucky to fill the Titan Room at the Sizzler in Fullerton. This game was televised! This game was bordering on Texas high school football. The team they played is also the other powerhouse Catholic School in the county. So out seats were close to where my dad's old Rams season seats were. My wife looked at me funny when I yelled "they are holding Reggie Doss" (Good luck to any of you who can figure out that reference). It was fun expect the bad guys won in overtime. They had not beaten their rival since she was in high school. I can empathize with her, the high school that was the main rival for my high school has been beaten by us since Reagan's first term. Let me tell you, the day we do, I am getting a TV because I am going looting.

Saturday - Running around helping out the Better Half. She was showing a ceramic piece at a show in the Coastal Table. So it was about getting the piece wrapped up, transfer, getting the stand, museum wax. After all of that and after a quick jaunt to the Costco, we spent the majority of the day standing. From around 4:30 PM till 9:00 PM. The time was mostly about talking to other artists and visitors. Some was just standing, but we had to spend some time keeping people from leaving their drinking on the stand, or toughing the art. Let me say their was woman in her 70's who was coming close not making it to her 80's.

Sunday - When I arose my wonderful wife had the inspired idea to see Borat. In a word, awesome. I was both howling in laughter, all the while being incredibly uncomfortable at what I was watching. At the end, I expected that when I walked out that I was going to be in hell, because their were things I laughed at that I felt I should not have. This movie surpassed my expectations. Mr. Cohen, you sir are a genius. So kudos to you.

He had one shot at this and he made the most of it. This is a movie you can't make a sequel of. You could try, but you would have something that would finally make Caddyshack II feel better about it's self. This was leaps and bounds funnier than his Ali G movie. Which was funny and I am surprised it was not released here, but it may have been too British centric for an American audience, but what do I know? This movie will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Andy Kaufman is truly dead. This is what I feel that Andy really wanted to do.

Borat is our generations incredibly disturbed de Tocqueville.

Afterwards I spent the afternoon watching football at a bar that did not have DirectTV, so I had to watch Chargers vs Browns, as my Broncos exacted some revenge for last years AFC Championship debacle.

So it was busy but very pleasant weekend. Well I have to get back to it.

Remember everyone, nothing helps out a light colored shirt more than the dying embers of your smoothies getting unintentionally splashed on it. It gives you that, hey I came to work looking like a slob look. But it can also give you that hint of, he might have kill someone in his car look as well. Few things will help up move the corporate ladder or win people over like that. Boy I feel like a winner.

I may get to operate the shake machine by next week.

They are throwing things are me left and right. Thankfully this time it is information and not rotten vegetables. But try to make this all stick is what scares me, since I think I am 99% sure I am ADD. Which makes taking in info tough unless it is something I really enjoy. Now if this job was about the 1998 Denver Broncos, The Simpson, the 2005 White Sox, or the XFL, then I would be CFO. But sadly it is not the case. But what I am learning is interesting. But the training itself is rough. I am someone who has a tough time getting out of my comfort zone. I have a million of questions, but I just don't know how to formulate them. I will on the Monday morning when my trainer has left, but isn't that always the case.

I hope you all had a kick ass All-Saints Day.

Halloween Wrap-up. The Better Half and I trudged through the morass that is traffic and made it to my mom's. After an hour and and fifteen minutes on the road we made it. When we got there, my nephews were already out trick-o-treating. We were at first sad that we missed them, but realized how could you contain a 7 and 2 year old' from going out when it was dark. Come on everyone, when it was Halloween, I think all of us started pleading to go out at the earliest possible time. Being on the West Coast I know I was ready to go when it turned dark on the East Coast, so I can't blame them. So we had a nice little dinner with my Mom and my sister. The kids and my Brother in Law came back and let me say that the two boys looked precious. Yes I said it. Wha da goin to do bout it? One was Thomas the Train, and the other an astronaut. The boys had come back to drop off their initial haul. After they had then we took them out for a quick trip to some houses they had not gone to yet. I will say it was worth the aggravation on the roads to see this. The two year old was so excited and was a chatterbox, so was the seven year old. The Better Half and I had a ball with those two. When we got home we hung out with the family and passed out candy. Which brings me to something. Let me say, if you are over the age of 13 and your are out trick-a-treating, stop it. Let it go. Go to a party do something else, leave Halloween for the small kids. All you are doing is showing you are an ass. The worst thing about the Jr. High and High School kids is that you have to be nice or they come back and the they either TP, egg, smash your pumpkins, or hell, set you house on fire. But hey I am just saying.

Memories of Halloween past - I now do remember that for one Halloween I did have a costume party to go to, I took the easy route with my costume. The only thing about it was I broke some rules to do it. One year I went as Jungle Cruise Skipper, which only meant I had to smuggle out my costume. Thankfully no one should up as a Hippo with wiggling ears, or I was going to have to bust a cap. Hey look at me I am on edge!

Hey I have a question, to write a book don't you have to first be able to read one? If so, then why is Kevin Ferderline writing is autobiography? Will this be the first ever autobiography/coloring book? What title do you give such an opus on a no-talent rapping, crappy dancing, dead beat dad who as much street cred as Barry Manalow? Because I think "You're OK and I am douche" is the working title of Vanilla Ice's book.

Well I have to run.