Boski's Blogopoluza!

Today, I felt a little like Navin R. Johnson when the NFL released it 2005 schedule.

I looked over the Broncos schedule and I can safely say. We are screwed. I have to stop being such a pessimist, but it is tough. I am a glass is smashed to pieces and the water has tried a long time ago kind of person. I am just going to have to relax, watch the draft, monitor training camp and hope every team loses all their starters to injury and bad clams.

Looking over some of the highlights of the new schedule.

Week #1 - @ Miami - Great, Nic Saban will win one game this year and it will be opening day. We have never win in Miami (Unless it is Super Bowl XXXIII). Broiling Hot, Muggy great way to start the season.

Week #4 @ Jacksonville - Another peach, going on the road after two tough home games S.D. and K.C. (Mon) to play in another hot muggy game. So we could be looking at 1-3 at this point. Maybe we will be still pissed about blowing last years game, that will we come to play.

Weeks 6 thru 8 - Two home games with a road game in the middle. What is the problem here Boski? Well the problem is those home games Philly (Week6) and New England (Week8) with the New York Giants as the road game. The Giants will win one game this year, and it will be Week 7. Screw you Eli and screw you New York. Thanks for giving the Chargers those draft picks. Nice, I can enjoy Martyball blow it in the playoffs again (wait , I kind of enjoy that though).

Week 12 - Thanksgiving - Great my family has to deal with me worrying about this one as we try to enjoy Thanksgiving Dinner. It will go over real well when the yams come back up as the Cowboys get a pick for six late.

Weeks 14 Baltimore - They beat us like Ray beats murder raps.

Weeks 15 thru 17 - All Saturday games. Three Saturday games? Nothing like Buffalo in December. Then it's home to Oakland and then off to S.D. to finish.

So after looking everything over, I say we are looking at 4-12, maybe 5-11. I know I am being too harsh. I do it so I will be surprised when they win 9 to 10 games. Shanahan has only had three non-winning seasons since he took over in '95. So, I should have some faith.

This has been a Martin Quinn Production.

Was trying to do some quick adjustments to the old blog and things got messed up and I can not blame Blogger. This time it was on me. I wish I could say it was due to head injury, or a drug addiction. Saddly it is just my amazing ability to be dumb. So please enjoy the minor tweaking.

This is a question that has plagued me for years and I have finally realized what my answer to it would be.



SURPISE!


I have not busted that one out since my days shooting hippos for Disney. It was either that or Xenon. I have always wanted to be noble (please insert bad laugh track here). Well I have Bohr'd you enough. Thank you folks that is all I have today in Chem Lab of Comedy. Tomorrow, "Mutiny on the Botany".

Blogger, I hate you. Oh sure I will keep using you since you are “free”. But I will secretly loathe you. Actually I will take back that “free” comment. Blogger is not free considering when you take the time to type up something that you put some heart and feeling into and then lose it because Blogger has to shit all over itself.

Well yesterday was that day. I took some time to talk about my weekend and how it fluctuated from great to awful. Talked about the fun time I had with my family, watching my nephew Tom play T-Ball, getting him his first set of baseball cards and then taking him to an Anaheim Storm game. And also finding out a family friend had passed away along with a family pet.

I spent about an hour working on it and to see it just disappear. Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg! Well I am not going to try to rescale that mountain today. But I just wanted to get that off my chest and return you to the poorly written, grammatically challenged and boring View Master Slide that is my life.

Thanks.

I would like to correct a mistake from last week. Larry Bowa was fired at the end of last season. How could I forget that. So you can see I just don't have the baseball chops I used to.

Yes more stupid Lacrosse for you. Some how the sub .500 Anaheim Storm still have a shot at the last playoff spot in the West.

The wife and I are going to take our nephew after his little league game and dinner with the family. That will be a lot of fun. My sister told me that he got three hits in a game this week. Already at 6 better than I was. I went seasons with only 3 hits. I loved playing Little league, but I was so awful. I did not play well until the very end. At that point, I was playing against kids younger than me and I did not even reach Senior Majors. Wow, I sucked. Nothing worse than a slow uncoordinated kid trying to run the bases. Never hit a home run in my years of little league, but I did break a car window with a foul ball.

Also this weekend I am going to introduce my nephew to the world of baseball cards. I use to collect them back when it was fun and not an investment. My god, does the world really need that many choices in trading cards. Also 2.99 for 12 cards, WTF? No gum and no Biff Pocaroba's and Enos Cabell's! What is the point. So I got him some Topps cards and grab bag of no-bodies of the 80's & 90's. I hope he enjoys it. I can still remember my first pack of baseball cards. I got them for $0.20 on Catalina Island back in '78. I still can remember two of the cards I got out of that pack. They were Fergie Jenkins and Bill Campbell. What is scarier is one back of those cards they had a game you could play. Each card had a result. Single, Double, Fly Out, Pulled groin, you know the basics. But for Fergie he was Base on Balls and Campbells was Home Run. I can not remember what I filled this morning but I remembered that. I collected cards the old fashion way. Bought them by the pack. None of this get the whole set. So that way every time was like a lottery. But every time I would get a Carlton Fisk, the rest of the pack would be Mike Cubbage and Rafael Landestoy. I stopped in High School, when cards were costing the same as the GNP of most small nations. Since then I grab a pack or two when it hits me. But there was one card I need to get. A friend of mine busted this one out a couple years back and I still laugh about it.

I wanted this 1979 Topps card.

You think the name is good, it gets better.


On back of card:

Mark Lemongello is a cousin to Mike Lemongello, professional bowler, and Peter Lemongello, professional singer.

Oh wait there is more.

How can you top that.

Today went out to lunch with co-workers. It is a glorious day here, and all I could think about was Midnight Oil's Blue Sky Mining. I always drag that out when the weather gets nice. But it made me sad. Sad that I will never see them play live. No, Australia's Favorite Bald-Headed Activist, Singing and Dance Sensation (Please see the "Power and the Passion" video, you will know what I am talking about) had to go on leave. The Oil's (as the cool kids would say. Oh God they will beat me up if they know I am trying to be like them.) peaceably split up and stop making great music while groups like Hoobastunk, Sum 41 and New Found Glory are still allowed to breath? I ask where is the justice? Now Peter has gone. That is just great. While he is trying to help out his native land. What is doing for me?

Damn it guys, will you please get back together and come back one last time. I swear I will show up. I still kick myself for missing you in 90 and 2000 and every other time in between. Arrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh! Look if you playing in a parking lot in Beaumont. I will show up. Hell, I bring the Foster's. Come back please!

Great job guys. I thought he got rid of Billy Koch and his wonderful goatee that magically allowed teams to comeback from 3 runs down. Yesterday they did a stirring tribute to him with this performance fleece effort. Coco Crisp going deep WTF! Speaking of Billy, I wonder what he is up to these days?

Seriously Blogger what is up. Are back to huffing gas? What. I had more poorly spelt, grammar-challenge comedy iron-pyrite on my hands yesterday and only the voices in my head got the pleasure. Wait thinking about it I think Blogger may have spared you.

The White Sox are your AL Central Winner. At 2-0 the projections have been extrapolated and it will be Chicago 162-0 with a + - of 160.

Well today they put on some wonderful theatrics they spotted the Indians 3 runs. Go to the ninth and put up a four spot win. That's what I am talking about. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! I am just so giddy. I will enjoy this for the next couple of hours before reality sets in. Thank you for listening.

So are you ready to head off to Vegas with this gold I am giving you. Probably not, actually you are more likely to get ahead not listening to me anyway.

AL West

The California Angels - Not any of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim bullshit. Hell I just got use to the Anaheim Angels. You take away that crap and it is amazing what has happened with franchise since Disney got serious about selling and putting real baseball people in. Now they have an owner who will grab big name players while they are still able to get around without use of a walker. Even though I am a White Sox fan I grew up within a Bobby Grich home run from the stadium. I grew up in that park. Saw go from open stadium, to closed, back to open. I really enjoyed watching them exercise their demons in 2002, so I do have a soft spot for them. Well except for the team name issue, which again is crap. But they have the horses and will win this division, the post season we will see if not having an ace will bite them in the ass.

A's - Moneyball rides again. They clean house again and will still probably win. Like the Marlins they need a new stadium or be the next contestant on "Whose Moving to Vegas"

Rangers - Can we just have them and the Rockies play each other. It would be they great slow pitch softball game ever! Their pitching will let them down about July when their Middle relievers are getting more innings than the starters.

Mariners - Offense meet the Mariners, Mariners meet offense. Great idea guys, but you should have gotten some sticks when you have the pitching and defense.

AL

Twins - Oh look at us we are the Twins. We get no respect. We have no money. Waaaaaaaahhhhh! I do not care. Yes I am jealous and I do marvel at what they do and glad to see the White Sox trying to win the Twins way. But I am sick of the, "we do not get respect" when everyone does. The Twins do not get the respect because of two things. First is they are a small market team, sorry but true. Secondly, people are still pissed at Minnesota for Soul Asylum, Prince's Under the Cherry Moon and for allowing Husker Dü to break up. I hope Kent Hrbek makes a return to the Dome only to be put down by Animal Control because he has eaten and mauled most of the team.

White Sox - We are not going to be as bad a people say and I think we have a shot at the division. Why? Well the Twins are so due for a letdown (You can hear the begging in my voice can't you). The Sox could not win with the long ball, so why not pitching and defense. What we don't win anyway. Look, I am use to it. But I really want this team to succeed for Ozzie's sake and also they have my hero as the bench coach. They can't let me down, again?

Indians - I still hate these guys. So freaking smug during the 90's Well where did it get you. What's that David Justice's HR is about to land. Wow he hadn't hit anything that hard since his he was married to Halle Berry (I know it is dated and a low blow, but I pay the rent here)

Tigers - This is the hip new team that everyone thinks will hit it big. I think they will be entertaining, but a year away. Also Maggilo's knees. Since he not with the Sox it will mean he will hit 74 HR's and cure cancer.

Royals - Holy Amos Otis, this franchise is horrible. Wow they are making the old Kansas City A's look respectable. Wow it was just 20 years ago the Denkinger blew a call in game 6. It was a bad day for St. Louis and toilets. Mr Andujar, you know what I am sawing.

AL East

Yankees - I hate you pompous jackasses and I want you to fail. This goes double for Yankee fans, except those related to me and Artie Lange. Again this is out of pure jealousy. Lining up to buy another title.

Red Sox - Congrats on winning and breaking the "Curse" , but enough. Can you tone it down just a tad. Fine yell all you want when some one is wearing a Yankee hat near by, but the rest of us do not want to hear it. There are 28 other team other than you and the Yankees. Well maybe 20 if we take out the Royals, Brewers, Devil Rays, White Sox (Hey stop that), etc. First the Pats and now this, look Boston if the Celtics start winning again then I will check out. I am very sorry Chowd's but you people are unbearable when you win. Right now I can only stand a Cousin, Bill Simmons and a couple of Bloggers out there. Okay I feel better I have to get this off my chest.

Blue Jays - Don' t like the lids, but does it matter. Really pissed the Expos left. They have lost, well at least we are not the worst team in Canada. Right now their is a Canadian kid who thinking. Wow when do the Argonauts start training camp.

The O's - Even though this team is a favorite of my good friend Eric. I have only one things to say. The suffering you feeling now is all because of Tito F&^%ing Landrum. I hope that '83 World Series is keeping you warm at nights because you crushed the hopes and dreams of young White Sox fan. I think the curse will end when the homerun ball Eddie Murray hit in game 3 lands, so you have a while. So enjoy Sammy Sosa. What a horses ass. No Sammy you could not produce for us, you leave and get on the Juice and you can drive in runs. May the clams you eat always be bad. You see I have a problem letting things go.

Devil Rays - I think the D'Rays have a chance to get the Wild Card. A couple of breaks and about 1,293 injuries to all the AL teams and they about 8 games back. But if not , Tampa needs to seriously think about one thing. Insurance Fire. Think about it.

So here is what we have for the AL:

East - Yanks - Stupid jerks
Central -Twins - See above
West - Angels
Wild Card - White Sox!!! No they will come up short. I think that it will be close but the A's will weasel their way in. The White Sox will come up short and the Red Sox starting pitching will be a headache.

Your AL Champs - The Kansas City Royals. No I hate to admit but the Yankees will buy their way in after a 7 game series with the Angels.

The World Series - We will have a rematch of one my favorite books "October 64" and the Cards will win again in 7 and the Yankees will be pissed. Hopefully they will fall into dispair as they did the last time the played the Cards in the World Series.

Well that wasn't too bad. Oh wait you are reading it, but my speelling and graammar is not never bad.

Please file all complaints to management and you will get a free 12 piece Jackie Stewart coaster set.

Well, I thought since I am still interested in the season, well at least till the White Sox are eliminated. Hopefully that will be after they roll into town in May. But I thought I would give my amazing predications, dare I say Jane Dixonesque.

The National league

NL West

Giants - I think they will be able to hold the fort till Barry gets back and he will. I use to hate these guys because I have wonderful distaste for Northern California, not the place, just the people. But I somebody I went to school with is playing for them so I root for him more than the Giants. But they have the horse.

Dodgers - I do not know why everyone is down on them. A good part of me thinks they could win this division. The problem I have with Dodgers fans is they want it both ways. I am not the biggest McCort fan but he is getting things in line and DePodesta is trying to get this team out from under the Fox fiasco. I love the Dodgers sense of tradition, but they have to let some things go. Piazza is not coming back, yes it was a bad deal, but it is done.

Padres - You can not help but root for these guys. I have one suggestion. Stop the Camo Uniforms and go back to Old Carl's Jr. Uniforms (This is a long story and I will not bore you with it).

Rockies - Just like me, just waiting for the Broncos to start up.

Diamondbacks - Jerry Calengelo, I hope that World Series title was worth it. Look at what are left with, this, a lot of debt and the Suns, who you sold, are now #1 in the West.

NL Central

The Cards - Few holes and some more pitching, so I think they take home the title.

Astros - I just wish they would go back to the Rainbow Sherbert Uni's. Also is Roger Clemens worth that much? Roger got a great deal from the devil to still be pitching. I think went it is said and done the devil is getting the short end of this deal

Reds - No need for A/C in the Queen City as long as Adam Dunn plays. Plenty of cooling breezes.

Milwaukee - A city named which means the good land has a bad team. This season could be another Ben Ogilive special (ugly).

Pittsburgh - A great park with a bad AAA team. Look Dave Parker and Kent Tekulve are still alive, go out and get the cake hats and bumble bee uni's stat!

The Cubs - I hate this jackasses. As any self respecting White Sox fan should. I hate all of bastards and I hope all choke on your vomit. In fact, I may head to Rome and try to rekindle my attempt to make Steve Bartman a saint. More Cubs hate later.

NL East

Braves - All they do is win Division titles and then soil themselves in the post season. It's kind of a rite of Autum

Marlins- The New Expos, but with talent and two titles. I think it is time to either get them a stadium in Miami or move them to Vegas.

The Mets - Speaking of spring and another rite is about to begin. The Mets spend a ton in the off-season and come up short. Yes I do remember the 2000 World Series but they have spent a ton of money since and get little back. Come on people, Tom Glavine has not been the same and how can we forget the Mo Vaughn experience. The man pulled a groin trying to run out a ham sandwich. Again I could be wrong. I like Beltran, but Pedro is done and all he will be doing is cashing checks.

Philles - Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Just wanted to make them feel welcomed here. Thank god you are out that stadium and the Eagles are playing so well our you guys would be screwed. How does Larry Bowa have a job. They will hit a lot of HR's but come up short.

Nationals - Welcome back to DC it will be like you never left, you will still be losing.


So I am going with

Giants
Cards
Braves
Dodger - Wild Card

Cards NL champs again.

Hey the White Sox won 1-0 today. Sweet have we wrapped up the division yet? I know it is wishful thinking, but I can dream.

Yes.

Something has happened that I can not even believe myself. I got into an office pool where I found people who were worse than me. Some how I have staggered out of the wreckage of flaming brackets (I think they are playing at the Whiskey in May), a champion. Even before tip off tonight I have won an office pool. Even though I do not work at that office, I won none the less. Well the wife was the financial backer I just supplied the dumb luck. So hello new tax bracket because here comes Boski and his $30. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed their weekends. I can honsetly say I came very close to accomplishing absolutlty nothing this week. Watched my NFL Eurpoe, watch some college hoops and enjoyed a lovely meal with the wife on Saturday. Other than that, not a damn thing. I think I was out of my house for about 2 hours Saturday and on Sunday I took 4 steps outside my home.

I hope that this is some kind of bad April Fool's gag. Seriously Ron Dayne. Isn't he wanted in the Tri-State area for grand theft and impersonation of an Pro Football Player. I do now officially have a really bad feeling for the upcoming season. WTF! Well I am calling it a weekend. Ron Dayne, Ron Flippin Dayne!

It is that time folks. Can you feel the excitement? No, I thought so. Well tomorrow I can wake up tomorrow and watch this. I should be ashamed, but I not. I do enjoy watching it, not because I have a great desire to root on the Frankfurt Galaxy, even though they have appeared in 6 of the 12 World Bowls. I watch because I love seeing the technical side of football and trying to get a better understanding of playing calling and strategy. The play-by-play does a good job going into it. It is needed, since there are times the action may not be the most scintillating (surprise, surprise). So for the next couple of months I will be enjoying this sports equivalent of a trashy romance novel. Another example of why my wife is wrapping up sainthood.

It worked never mind, please go back to your business.

I going to kill Blogger and just like there service, I will do it for free. I just had some comedy gold be destoryed. Arrrrrggggggghhhhhhh.

Could not help but get a chuckle out of this. I need to ask if this was hit ordered by John McLaughlin. The notorious head of the McLaughlin Group.

We do live in scary times when Pat Buchanan seems moderate.

I do miss watching the Mc Laughling group from time to time. Well I liked the SNL version, but I did watching it with my dad back in my youth. I can hear it like it was just yesterday.

Mc Laughlin: Next question. What did I have for lunch, Jimmy Jimmy Jack Germond?

Germond: "I don't know how that fits in with this debate on Social Sec."

Mc Laughlin: "Wrong. Morton Kondracke, Kondracky, Jack Kerouac"

Kondracke: "Veal"

McLaughlin: "Wrong. The answer is 12 lbs of cocktail franks. Next question. On a scale from 2 to 34.872, with the letter Q being in just right of center-left. How will the Senate react to the season finale of Yes Dear? Lets start with Eleanor Clift, Clift, Montgomery Clift."

Clift: "I have never"

McLaughlin: "Wrong, Fred, Fred Right Said Fred Barnes what say you?"

Barnes: "4.89"

McLaughlin: "Wrong! Kondracke, Kondracke Smoke some Crack!

Konderacke: "I.."

Mc Laughlin: "Wrong! Patahtola Patterson.

Buchanan:"John"

McLaughlin:"Wrong! The answer is Lawrence Welk. Next issue, how pretty am I feeling?"