Boski's Blogopoluza!

Boski will not be a vagrant next week. He has picked up a temp assignment for 3 weeks. I was actually looking forward to catching up on my soaps. . . oh I have said too much. Well I will miss out on Jerry Springer, which I will say is life affirming. I watch and it makes me feel better about myself, but at the same time scared that these people exist. But I do need to updated my resume. I think the part about be proficient on the Apple IIe may need to adjusted. I will not however take off that I kick ass on Choplifter.

I am still a little partial to Bill Brasky but this has potental.

Here are some of the early favorites:

Vin Diesel does backup vocals on Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes". This concerned Cameron Crowe and caused him to cast John Cusack over Vin Diesel for the Lloyd Dobler role in "Say Anything". An oversight Vin Diesel considers, some real bullshit.

He once asked to borrow a cup of sugar from Benjamin Franklin. When Franklin said no, Vin Diesel killed him with a sword.

Is both the architect of, and banned by the Geneva Convention.

God is Vin Diesel's third grade Science Fair project.

Vin Diesel has a seat on the United Nations Security Council; despite not being a sovereign nation.

Beat Bobby Fischer in a game of chess. And by that I mean, beat Bobby Fischer into a coma using only the white rook.

I would like to thank Best Week Ever for this.

President Bush will take time out of his schedule to speak to America. We should all be pleased that he is taking the time, since being the president is "hard work". Why is he doing this during sweeps? Great piss off advertisers. Also, why do I have the feeling that when he discusses his Social Security Plan he will trying to explain it while using a the game board from Chutes and Ladders.

Give it up Mr. President, the whole "private accounts" idea bites (that's a fancy debating rebutal). I know that you want American's to become the "Ownership Society", just like your dad's old boss. But the problem is I do not want to take ownership of your debt. Oh there are changes that need to be made. Moving the cap and encouragement of people to save on their own along with other ideas, that I forget since I did not take Economics.

You will also be discussing your brilliant Energy Plan. Great, drilling in Alaska. Sure their is oil there, but can you ensure it will be done properly. Heaven forbid we would like to keep a party of the nation wild and undisturbed. Also that will be good for only a short period of time. Hey we need our giant SUV's and China and India are upping their need for oil. But hey it's only a couple of billion of people. China and India you remember. China they are flooding the markets with their copied American products at Walmart. In fact China and Walmart have had more impact on the economy than the tax breaks. (I forget the book that is from so I apologize for forgetting) But then we should envy China all that cheap (slave) labor while the government directs the population to worry about being good consumers than their rights. (Okay I may have gone a little far on that one) India, Mr. Bush that is where our high tech jobs are going to. You have heard of it? Oh I forgot you cried when you dad wanted watch Ghandi. You and Dan Qualye threw such a fit they rented you Herbie Goes Banana's. How could I forget.

Mr. Bush we need to develop other methods of energy. Do not get me started on nuclear power. We need more targets for the terrorist. Look we can develop cleaner energy in which it can be a winfall for both the consumers and the developers. You can make money going green, it is not against the law, or is it? Just imagine this approach if this was the space program in the 60's. NASA would have been outsources to East Germany and the Russian would have been on the moon. The whole time we tried to put a rocket on DC-3. Okay enough venom from me, I will try to get back to the comedy that made Greg Evigan weep.

I was working out Tuesday morning when I say that "CNN Live" in which they spent time to discuss this literary/self-help gem. I thought there was going to be news. Nope, I got Victoria Gotti who is a cross between Donnatella Versace and an ape. I would like to apologize to apes and Ms. Versace. And he son Frank who "wrote" this seminal piece of literature. How he went from a fat ass to a guy who has a hair cut that Moe Howard wants back. I do hope you enjoyed the soup that came with that haircut. How did he accomplish this Herculean goal. What is the genius he is about to give the world. Eat less, work out and cut carbs. Holy crap! Stop the presses this is Gutenberg Printing Press kind of news. Really, that is all. Look if I wanted this crap I could watch Katie Couric's colon being checked, or watch Harry Smith artificially inseminate a cow. It hurt watching this. Thank god I did not have my glasses or I would have been blinded.

Speaking of bad CNN moves. Nancy Grace this woman is insane and I wish nothing more than a life full of bad clams. I think this article and this one sums up some of my feelings.

No! Please say it's not so! Some one get that man a bottle of Crown Royal. Hey Pat I am glad that you have decided to clean up, you ol' booze hound. But I am not happy with the apology crap. Okay you may need to apologize for legal reason, but do not be ashamed of some great comedy. Those tapes are gold. (thanks Mr. Thigh Master) But Pat (didn't he suggest doing that to Nancy O'Dell while Billy Bush watched?) has to get back to his important work. He is going to help American learn and understand the important topics. No, not Social Security (maybe we should contact Joe millionaire, he will know what to do), or Iraq (are we still there, I thought that ended with Friends Finale), or even the assault on the constitution (didn't that get voted off Survivor?). It's about our entertainment industry. Oh sure, we may be spending $3.00 a gallon, billions in Iraq, with a a health care system that sucks, but our reality shows and over-exposed stars are safe.

Pat, I salute you for our courage to come back and hop into the frey as we face a possible American Idol Scandal. Something that the American public has more passion voting on then political elections. What could this scandal be? What that it sucks? Paula on drugs? (maybe she heard one of her albums) Is the show rigged? There are 3-masted ships that are less rigged. Damn, you would think this ABC Primetime was the Warren Commission Report.

Thank goodness I do not commit most of my waking hours following something where people are over exposed and paid huge amounts of money to play "games". That would just be foolish. Now where is the sports section?

Alright got that out of the way. Well the weekend has come and gone.

Saturday – went out to the memorial service and spent some quality bonding time with the family and friends. Hung out and remembered the good times we had with Mr.G. When I got home was so drained and tired I could not even watch the draft.

Sunday – Even after braving the early morning showers took the Better Half, her Mom and my nephew to the Festival of Books. We always love going and it fun taking the nephew getting him new books to read, and getting him see characters from the books he reads. We also have a good time running him around and riding the shuttle bus across the UCLA campus. I was able to duck in and catch a panel discussion with my Mother-in-Law, as the Better Half took Tom. It was a great panel Writing Epic History. For me I find these more interesting than fiction. I went to see Adam Hochschild who wrote “King Leopold’s Ghost” a powerful book. He has a new one out on the End of Slavery in the English Empire. The other authors were great and I plan to read their work soon.

Steve Fraser has a fascinating book on Wall Street.
Hector Tobar – an interesting looking book on immigrant lives and their journey to America and through America.
A.J. Langguth – Our Vietnam was his book, which I plan to read along with Mr. Tobar’s book when my Mother-In-Law is done.

So that was the weekend. I am still trying to absorb the NFL draft right now. So far my thoughts are:

I am happy that the Broncos made the trade to get a #1 next year and #4. Thank you Washington. Double thanks in taking Jason Campbell. He could become a great QB in the league, but how could you make that pick with all the money you have tied in the QB position already and with other positions that needed to be filled. Here is hoping for a 4-12 season.

Do not know what to make of the Bronco draft? Maurice Clarrett, seriously? I just waiting for someone to come by and kick me in the nuts. So, is this what it means to be “punk’d”. He could be a good back, I leaning toward no. I think they should have gone WR or DE, but I am not the GM. They took 3 DB’s with hopes of shoring up the secondary and also hopefully looking to get some speed on special teams. We will see.

The Chiefs had the crappiest draft. They took Craphonso Thorpe. Can you say Snoop Minnis? I thought you could. I hate to say they drafted decently and got some DB help with Surtain so they trying to pull out the stops for Vermeil Crying Cavalcade last run.

The Raiders checking in with some questionable characters (Hawthorne in the 6th cough, cough and Routt in the 2nd) and players who can run (Washington 1st and Routt).

The Jets – you first pick was the Motor City Madman, oh sorry Mike Nugent Kicker. But taking a kicker as your first pick is still a head scratcher. This guy is no Morten Anderson, but he should be better than Russell Erxlaben.

The 49ers – Wow you guys picked the wrong year to get a franchise QB. I am not sold on him or Rodgers as the #1. But we will see, if they give him something to work with he could avoid being a bust, but I see Tim Couch, with just a hint of Cade McNown.

Ravens- got the guy they wanted and I hate them for that. Why couldn’t they draft a punter in the first round? But I think they may be the team to beat in the AFC this year.

Colts – Lee Evans. What is with all the short players?

Lions – Mike Williams was worth the pick. He is a guy you don’t pass up on. Even thought he is from SC he is special talent. Also Charles Rogers' porcelain collarbone is still an issue.

Jags – Matt Jones in the 1st. I thought there was a drug policy in the league. Look, you have the makings of the offensive version of Mike Mamula. That pick for a guy who has not played that position. That’s a bold statement.

Well that is what I have on that, more as I digest the info. What do think I did on Monday? I spent all day printing out draft info.

How can I say it is good to be back when no one missed you when you were gone? Well I now finally have time to blog, on company time. Well at least till the end of this week. Yesterday they let me know that my assignment ends this Friday. I should not be surprised this assignment was two weeks longer than expected. The good news is, this due to the department’s budget. They would have liked to have me stay longer, but can’t justify the cost. But then they could be saying that so I do not go all Private Pyle on them, and start shooting. I can understand their fear, if so. I am not as imposing as Vincent D’Onofrio character in the movie, but I am as retarded and slovenly. I will miss working for the district. The people were great and they made me feel welcomed.

So it is back to the temp pool again. I think I may just have to come to the conclusion that I will never be more than a temp. At the most, I will be at a position for a year or two and then I will be laid off, downsized, fired, beaten, scorned, tarred and feathered, and etc. I will be on temp assignments, probably not moving above an administrative assistant level (hey it’s my day today, oh boy!), from now till the end of time. I should have realized that success and I were not going to be on speaking terms. I should have known that when my Guidance counselor advised me that my options after high school were the Carney Sciences, Fast Food Theory or Hobo Studies.

So, I would like to be a cautionary tale for everyone out there that has kids, or will have kids. Make them go to school. Make sure they find a single career path, and make them stick to it. Also try to steer them toward something that has a future. Make them complete said degree, even if they hate it before they are done. That way they can at least have something to fall back on. Also make sure they are obtaining job skills worth a damn. You see knowing the Presidents of the Gilded Age, cracking on Conrad Bain and making esoteric remarks on the Holy Roman Empire will get you nowhere in life. I know I live it everyday. Also make sure they know how to write and understand the English language. That they know all the components like: grammar, spelling and syntax. Next to checking for drugs and if you kid is having sex, you should go all Homeland Security on them and make sure they can write. I was too lazy and dumb to fix my problem. I managed to enough to eek by. I was able to pull the wool over my parents and my teachers. I just wished someone would have come along and said “You’re going to fail miserably in life with your language and comprehension skills. You need remedial help and learn the language from the ground up. Just maybe you might be able to learn enough so you can give yourself a chance in the world”.

Oh Boksi, you’re being too hard on yourself. I say yes and no. Oh sure I am hamming some of this up and I have been very fortunate to be in wonderful family. Have a wonderful wife, who has helped me immensely and has helped me in walking upright. Who if I didn’t have in my life, I would be living under the 57 Freeway overpass at Chapman Ave. But if you ever saw any paper I turned in high school or college (that did not get an extensive review or a couple near rewrite) the returned papers looked at if you had tried to kill a buffalo with a butter knife. Red was everywhere (corrections) and everything was complete mess (my wonderful penmanship). Somehow even when I would type things out, it still looked likes a 6-year old finger-painting project. Thinking about some of the written exams I took, I do not know how anyone was able to read and understand anything I wrote. Even when I knew what the hell I was writing about. So please make you kids read, write and proof their work. Look at it as an investment in your future. I am thankful my Mom has four other kids who are not a mess. It’s good to know that I am in no way responsible for anything important to my Mom’s future care and wellbeing.

So please learn from me. Now I have to go back and edit this and try to make it sound coherent. I feel better now. I just need to get that out. Thank you for your patience, during this public flogging. Tip the wait staff Please try the Shrimp Scampi.

Well tomorrow is the NFL Draft and thousands of freaks like me will be gathering around the tube and watch hours and hours of people talking about: upside, tweener's, Raider fan's, reaches, fluid hips, (wow that almost sounds like the AVN's) Mel Kiper's Hair and the Wonderlick (wait, now it definitely sounds like the AVN's). Well I would love to have sat and watched every single minute of the draft, but I actually have a couple prior commitments. Saturday, sadly is a memorial service for a family friend you heard me talk about a couple of times. So it is off to the High Desert.

Sunday, it will be off to the the L.A. Times Festival of Books. The Better Half and I have been going for about six years. I know you are all surprised, but they have enough coloring books on hand to keep me occupied. It is a great event, with good authors and great forums. This is one of those rare times I try to walk upright and put my opposing thumbs to use.

Well I have to get going and get this weekend started. I will save you from my nonsense, till next week. So please sit back and enjoy the dulcet tones of Rammstein.

Blogger: "Yes, Boski."

Boski: "I want to hurt you."

Blogger: "What was that?"

Boski: "You heard me"

Blogger: "I am sorry, what ever you were trying to say or post has disappeared"

Boski: "Blogger"

Nothing.

Boski: "Hello Blogger!"

Blogger: "Yes Boski"

Boski: "I am going to crack you head open and feast upon the gooey innards"

Silence

Blogger: "Boski were you saying something? Oops, just lost someone's post about coming up with a cure for Cancer. Wait one second someone has something very funny to say. Oh, I just lost it. So Boski, I have been waiting for uncreative rambling hairballs you cough out, as posts"

Boski's profanity laced tirade has been lost by Blogger.

Blogger: "Oh hello Boski, how long have you been sitting here?

Boski: "Why do you hate Blogger?"

Blogger: "How can I hate Mr. Boski, I am Cubs fan."

Boski: "I am so killing you"

Blogger: "What was that?"

Boski: "That's it. I am signing you up for Columbia House. Good luck trying to return that Best of Moby Grape."

Blogger: "Hey, who's hating now. That is just mean Boski."

Boski:"You bastard."

Message lost.


Boski Corp. does enjoy the free use of Blogger. This bad attempt at humor is a Boski Corp. Playhouse Players Productions feeble attempt to blow off steam after having another post lost. It may Blogger is actually doing the world a service.

Thank you for your patronage now enjoy "Match Game P.M. On Ice".

Mr. Gibson, you must be baking on something, because this so absurd. Damn, a Pauley Shore movie has more legitimacy than this.

Thinking about it here are a couple of items more plausible than that story:

Sirhan Sirhan marring a Kennedy.

The White Sox winning the World Series (a recurring theme)

German's scared of the French

Jerry Fallwell opening a casino in Vegas

Paris Hilton Pulitzer Prize Winning Author

The Saints covering when they are the favorite

The next pope: Ian Paisley.

Jar Jar Binks' face on Mount Rushmore.

The NHL returning.

Me rooting for USC.


Congrats Mr. Gibson you are now on the city council of Crazyville.


Oh I almost forgot. Sorry to be all on the political today but also caught a gander of this.

Mr. DeLay you are bucking for Mayor of Crazyville aren't you.


Thanks to Atrios for doing the heavy lifting.

From the Independent Republic of Texas.

After reading, I shouldn't be really surprised by it at all.

I don't know how the penguin driving is going to explain this one to the insurance company.

They are just going to screw it up all over again. Look I love college football, but this BCS sucks ass. Oh sure, I got to see a great Rose Bowl game, but the system is Howard the Duck bad. They will screw this up some how. The BSC has been tampered with more times than the Hilton Sisters. Just play the bowls and have a four team playoff, or something. There is a way that can be done profitably. Wouldn't be great to have more definitive way of determining a national champ. Hey, I am just saying.

No, my name is Clarence.


Just a snippet from Paul's Boutique, a classic. I heard that this morning, I could not resist. That is all now back to Quincy takes Manhattan.

I read this and it got me thinking. I wonder if these elephants are on DeLay's payroll (which is not a bad gig from what I hear) and that there were trying to get after any one in Seoul for leaking any info about his trip in 2001. It would not suprise me one bit if he did.

Well I did not injure, maim, fold, spindle or mutilated myself playing softball last night. A little sore, but not too bad. I am also pround in the fact that I did not doing anything that will permanently scar me.

Dateline Rome - When the Poppa John's delivery guy drove up people realized that the white smoke was not the Conclave making pizza it because the new Pope has been elected. He's German, which means the French are scared. Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany, is our new Pope. So that's what he been up to since Cheers. Hey it's Pope Cliff. No actually he will be named Livan and he will be a good man. Again just kidding, he will be name Pope Benedict XVI. That just does not roll of the tongue as well. I am surprised that this went so quickly. The Vatican got off cheap, what no haggling over salary or at least an new Papal Escalade. I think this was the third or fourth quickest election of a pope. I wish they would have taken more time. Our new pope is a conservative hardliner. Lets just say he thinks Pope Urban VIII was too leintent on Galileo and that because of it we have been tricked into believing this "revolve around the sun nonsense". I would like to have a Pope that can build a bridge between the conservative and more liberal wings of Catholism. There are issues that need to be addressed and the standard SOP is not going to cut it. Issues like: contraception, AIDS (esp. in Africa), the abuse scandals, apathy in Europe and North American, women in the church, continuing the fight for 3rd World Nations.

Well enough of that back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Coming up next: Judge Joe Brown Sings the Classics.

Well back from a pleasant weekend.

Friday got one last opportunity to watch the Anaheim Storm blow another three goal lead. Good to see they did not disappoint. Had a good time and will miss it until it come back next January. The Better Half and I hung out with my friend Dave and had a good time.

Saturday - got the car's A/C fixed. It sucked not having it, as the weather got warmer. Also it is nice to be able to turn on your A/C and not have it sound like flying the Red Baron. Saturday we helped out at a Habitat project. Well, we sat at the media table waiting for media that did not show up, but got to sit outside on a nice day. After getting the car, went home and watched what the Tivo had collected for us.

Sunday - we left the friendly confines of Fort Boski and wandered around and got some things done. Which culminated in the making of a Carne Asada Pizza, and it kicked ass.

So today as I get back into the swing of work and not writing volumes on athlete's I paid to see. I have to go get cleats. I am being drafted to play softball for the Better Half's company. 99.9% of the times I jump at it but I am not felling it. Oh I will still play, but I am dreading it. Either I screw up my knee or I am getting clocked in dome. Maybe both. Well if things go well I will only hurt what is left of my pride. Wish me luck and if I don't come back, please burn all of grammar and spelling errors and spread them across the parking lot of The Bun Boy Restaurant in Baker CA.

Did I hear this right? Madden on ESPN?(Or will he? I think he may get out of his contract and go back to Fox. Just a thought) Real football on NBC? No Pro Football on ABC? Has the world gone mad. Nope not really, just big bucks talking. I am surprised a little though. I did not think the Monday Night package was going to go to ESPN. But it makes a lot of sense. ESPN does a great job with Monday Night Countdown. So I see this working well for the NFL, ESPN and the viewer. Now there will be no more uncomfortable moments at sports bars and homes at 6:00 PST, when the TV is not turned and Monday Night Hype turns into Triple Lutz's and Ice Skating Challenges. I am also going enjoy no more really bad plugs for ABC shows that I am not going to watch. I just have to suffer one more year, I hope.

Football on NBC, I will like to see that. I did miss not watching games on NBC. Since NBC was the AFC network I was always watching it. It was my portal to the Broncos in the 80's and 90's. I was able to catch a ton of Bronco games during that time, thanks to the Raiders not selling out the L.A. Coliseum. Wow, I can thank the Raiders for something. Who knew? Oh those were the days. A young Bob Costas behind the desk. Ahmad Bobby Moore Rashad actually doing interviews worth watching before he rammed his head so far up Michael Jordan's ass. And finally Pete Axthelm. Oh Pete was gold. Think Jimmy the Greek but funnier, less drunk and not spewing racist comments.

Even as a Catholic there is a question I have never had answered. Is there a Junior College of Cardinals? You know for Bishops and priest who are not ready for a 4 year Cardinal College. It would be great if there was one. I hear it is a pain in the Papal Bull to get some of the required lower division courses you need to get before can graduate. Courses like: Pope History 200 (A & B), Intro to Sainthood 150, Papal Canon 301, and English 100.

Right now I am blogging from the comforts of the Boski compound. My boss let me leave very early today. They had an appointment and was not coming back, so away I go. The downside is missing out on the pay and the unfettered internet access. Arrrrggghhh!

The Better Half and I will be off for the last installment of Lacrosse tonight. So you will not have to hear me yammering about it for another year. So, if I do not blog for the rest of weekend, please enjoy. Also there are some Otter Pops in the fridge help yourself. But please leave me an Alexander the Grape. That is all I am asking people.

This article caught my eye this morning. I had to laugh at the 'I believe in open government...but I don't want you reading my stuff' comment. Oh you are a such a card sir. Part of me thinks the reason he does not use e-mail is because Cheney had to break it to him that his Speak N Spell does not have e-mail capability. The other part of me thinks that he and Jeff Gannon or Gerkin or whatever are the ones behind all the obscene spam e-mails everyone gets.

I was wondering if I had a T-shirt with Cardinal de Richeleau on it. Would I be cool, or would I just be another jackass? Maybe I should just stick with the George Gobel sucker punching a hobo.

I should not be surprised by this. Holy crap, I think Barry Goldwater called Tom and he would like for you to tone it down.

Thanks to Wonkette for the link.

Today, I felt a little like Navin R. Johnson when the NFL released it 2005 schedule.

I looked over the Broncos schedule and I can safely say. We are screwed. I have to stop being such a pessimist, but it is tough. I am a glass is smashed to pieces and the water has tried a long time ago kind of person. I am just going to have to relax, watch the draft, monitor training camp and hope every team loses all their starters to injury and bad clams.

Looking over some of the highlights of the new schedule.

Week #1 - @ Miami - Great, Nic Saban will win one game this year and it will be opening day. We have never win in Miami (Unless it is Super Bowl XXXIII). Broiling Hot, Muggy great way to start the season.

Week #4 @ Jacksonville - Another peach, going on the road after two tough home games S.D. and K.C. (Mon) to play in another hot muggy game. So we could be looking at 1-3 at this point. Maybe we will be still pissed about blowing last years game, that will we come to play.

Weeks 6 thru 8 - Two home games with a road game in the middle. What is the problem here Boski? Well the problem is those home games Philly (Week6) and New England (Week8) with the New York Giants as the road game. The Giants will win one game this year, and it will be Week 7. Screw you Eli and screw you New York. Thanks for giving the Chargers those draft picks. Nice, I can enjoy Martyball blow it in the playoffs again (wait , I kind of enjoy that though).

Week 12 - Thanksgiving - Great my family has to deal with me worrying about this one as we try to enjoy Thanksgiving Dinner. It will go over real well when the yams come back up as the Cowboys get a pick for six late.

Weeks 14 Baltimore - They beat us like Ray beats murder raps.

Weeks 15 thru 17 - All Saturday games. Three Saturday games? Nothing like Buffalo in December. Then it's home to Oakland and then off to S.D. to finish.

So after looking everything over, I say we are looking at 4-12, maybe 5-11. I know I am being too harsh. I do it so I will be surprised when they win 9 to 10 games. Shanahan has only had three non-winning seasons since he took over in '95. So, I should have some faith.

This has been a Martin Quinn Production.

Was trying to do some quick adjustments to the old blog and things got messed up and I can not blame Blogger. This time it was on me. I wish I could say it was due to head injury, or a drug addiction. Saddly it is just my amazing ability to be dumb. So please enjoy the minor tweaking.

This is a question that has plagued me for years and I have finally realized what my answer to it would be.



SURPISE!


I have not busted that one out since my days shooting hippos for Disney. It was either that or Xenon. I have always wanted to be noble (please insert bad laugh track here). Well I have Bohr'd you enough. Thank you folks that is all I have today in Chem Lab of Comedy. Tomorrow, "Mutiny on the Botany".

Blogger, I hate you. Oh sure I will keep using you since you are “free”. But I will secretly loathe you. Actually I will take back that “free” comment. Blogger is not free considering when you take the time to type up something that you put some heart and feeling into and then lose it because Blogger has to shit all over itself.

Well yesterday was that day. I took some time to talk about my weekend and how it fluctuated from great to awful. Talked about the fun time I had with my family, watching my nephew Tom play T-Ball, getting him his first set of baseball cards and then taking him to an Anaheim Storm game. And also finding out a family friend had passed away along with a family pet.

I spent about an hour working on it and to see it just disappear. Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggg! Well I am not going to try to rescale that mountain today. But I just wanted to get that off my chest and return you to the poorly written, grammatically challenged and boring View Master Slide that is my life.

Thanks.

I would like to correct a mistake from last week. Larry Bowa was fired at the end of last season. How could I forget that. So you can see I just don't have the baseball chops I used to.

Yes more stupid Lacrosse for you. Some how the sub .500 Anaheim Storm still have a shot at the last playoff spot in the West.

The wife and I are going to take our nephew after his little league game and dinner with the family. That will be a lot of fun. My sister told me that he got three hits in a game this week. Already at 6 better than I was. I went seasons with only 3 hits. I loved playing Little league, but I was so awful. I did not play well until the very end. At that point, I was playing against kids younger than me and I did not even reach Senior Majors. Wow, I sucked. Nothing worse than a slow uncoordinated kid trying to run the bases. Never hit a home run in my years of little league, but I did break a car window with a foul ball.

Also this weekend I am going to introduce my nephew to the world of baseball cards. I use to collect them back when it was fun and not an investment. My god, does the world really need that many choices in trading cards. Also 2.99 for 12 cards, WTF? No gum and no Biff Pocaroba's and Enos Cabell's! What is the point. So I got him some Topps cards and grab bag of no-bodies of the 80's & 90's. I hope he enjoys it. I can still remember my first pack of baseball cards. I got them for $0.20 on Catalina Island back in '78. I still can remember two of the cards I got out of that pack. They were Fergie Jenkins and Bill Campbell. What is scarier is one back of those cards they had a game you could play. Each card had a result. Single, Double, Fly Out, Pulled groin, you know the basics. But for Fergie he was Base on Balls and Campbells was Home Run. I can not remember what I filled this morning but I remembered that. I collected cards the old fashion way. Bought them by the pack. None of this get the whole set. So that way every time was like a lottery. But every time I would get a Carlton Fisk, the rest of the pack would be Mike Cubbage and Rafael Landestoy. I stopped in High School, when cards were costing the same as the GNP of most small nations. Since then I grab a pack or two when it hits me. But there was one card I need to get. A friend of mine busted this one out a couple years back and I still laugh about it.

I wanted this 1979 Topps card.

You think the name is good, it gets better.


On back of card:

Mark Lemongello is a cousin to Mike Lemongello, professional bowler, and Peter Lemongello, professional singer.

Oh wait there is more.

How can you top that.

Today went out to lunch with co-workers. It is a glorious day here, and all I could think about was Midnight Oil's Blue Sky Mining. I always drag that out when the weather gets nice. But it made me sad. Sad that I will never see them play live. No, Australia's Favorite Bald-Headed Activist, Singing and Dance Sensation (Please see the "Power and the Passion" video, you will know what I am talking about) had to go on leave. The Oil's (as the cool kids would say. Oh God they will beat me up if they know I am trying to be like them.) peaceably split up and stop making great music while groups like Hoobastunk, Sum 41 and New Found Glory are still allowed to breath? I ask where is the justice? Now Peter has gone. That is just great. While he is trying to help out his native land. What is doing for me?

Damn it guys, will you please get back together and come back one last time. I swear I will show up. I still kick myself for missing you in 90 and 2000 and every other time in between. Arrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh! Look if you playing in a parking lot in Beaumont. I will show up. Hell, I bring the Foster's. Come back please!

Great job guys. I thought he got rid of Billy Koch and his wonderful goatee that magically allowed teams to comeback from 3 runs down. Yesterday they did a stirring tribute to him with this performance fleece effort. Coco Crisp going deep WTF! Speaking of Billy, I wonder what he is up to these days?

Seriously Blogger what is up. Are back to huffing gas? What. I had more poorly spelt, grammar-challenge comedy iron-pyrite on my hands yesterday and only the voices in my head got the pleasure. Wait thinking about it I think Blogger may have spared you.

The White Sox are your AL Central Winner. At 2-0 the projections have been extrapolated and it will be Chicago 162-0 with a + - of 160.

Well today they put on some wonderful theatrics they spotted the Indians 3 runs. Go to the ninth and put up a four spot win. That's what I am talking about. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! I am just so giddy. I will enjoy this for the next couple of hours before reality sets in. Thank you for listening.

So are you ready to head off to Vegas with this gold I am giving you. Probably not, actually you are more likely to get ahead not listening to me anyway.

AL West

The California Angels - Not any of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim bullshit. Hell I just got use to the Anaheim Angels. You take away that crap and it is amazing what has happened with franchise since Disney got serious about selling and putting real baseball people in. Now they have an owner who will grab big name players while they are still able to get around without use of a walker. Even though I am a White Sox fan I grew up within a Bobby Grich home run from the stadium. I grew up in that park. Saw go from open stadium, to closed, back to open. I really enjoyed watching them exercise their demons in 2002, so I do have a soft spot for them. Well except for the team name issue, which again is crap. But they have the horses and will win this division, the post season we will see if not having an ace will bite them in the ass.

A's - Moneyball rides again. They clean house again and will still probably win. Like the Marlins they need a new stadium or be the next contestant on "Whose Moving to Vegas"

Rangers - Can we just have them and the Rockies play each other. It would be they great slow pitch softball game ever! Their pitching will let them down about July when their Middle relievers are getting more innings than the starters.

Mariners - Offense meet the Mariners, Mariners meet offense. Great idea guys, but you should have gotten some sticks when you have the pitching and defense.

AL

Twins - Oh look at us we are the Twins. We get no respect. We have no money. Waaaaaaaahhhhh! I do not care. Yes I am jealous and I do marvel at what they do and glad to see the White Sox trying to win the Twins way. But I am sick of the, "we do not get respect" when everyone does. The Twins do not get the respect because of two things. First is they are a small market team, sorry but true. Secondly, people are still pissed at Minnesota for Soul Asylum, Prince's Under the Cherry Moon and for allowing Husker Dü to break up. I hope Kent Hrbek makes a return to the Dome only to be put down by Animal Control because he has eaten and mauled most of the team.

White Sox - We are not going to be as bad a people say and I think we have a shot at the division. Why? Well the Twins are so due for a letdown (You can hear the begging in my voice can't you). The Sox could not win with the long ball, so why not pitching and defense. What we don't win anyway. Look, I am use to it. But I really want this team to succeed for Ozzie's sake and also they have my hero as the bench coach. They can't let me down, again?

Indians - I still hate these guys. So freaking smug during the 90's Well where did it get you. What's that David Justice's HR is about to land. Wow he hadn't hit anything that hard since his he was married to Halle Berry (I know it is dated and a low blow, but I pay the rent here)

Tigers - This is the hip new team that everyone thinks will hit it big. I think they will be entertaining, but a year away. Also Maggilo's knees. Since he not with the Sox it will mean he will hit 74 HR's and cure cancer.

Royals - Holy Amos Otis, this franchise is horrible. Wow they are making the old Kansas City A's look respectable. Wow it was just 20 years ago the Denkinger blew a call in game 6. It was a bad day for St. Louis and toilets. Mr Andujar, you know what I am sawing.

AL East

Yankees - I hate you pompous jackasses and I want you to fail. This goes double for Yankee fans, except those related to me and Artie Lange. Again this is out of pure jealousy. Lining up to buy another title.

Red Sox - Congrats on winning and breaking the "Curse" , but enough. Can you tone it down just a tad. Fine yell all you want when some one is wearing a Yankee hat near by, but the rest of us do not want to hear it. There are 28 other team other than you and the Yankees. Well maybe 20 if we take out the Royals, Brewers, Devil Rays, White Sox (Hey stop that), etc. First the Pats and now this, look Boston if the Celtics start winning again then I will check out. I am very sorry Chowd's but you people are unbearable when you win. Right now I can only stand a Cousin, Bill Simmons and a couple of Bloggers out there. Okay I feel better I have to get this off my chest.

Blue Jays - Don' t like the lids, but does it matter. Really pissed the Expos left. They have lost, well at least we are not the worst team in Canada. Right now their is a Canadian kid who thinking. Wow when do the Argonauts start training camp.

The O's - Even though this team is a favorite of my good friend Eric. I have only one things to say. The suffering you feeling now is all because of Tito F&^%ing Landrum. I hope that '83 World Series is keeping you warm at nights because you crushed the hopes and dreams of young White Sox fan. I think the curse will end when the homerun ball Eddie Murray hit in game 3 lands, so you have a while. So enjoy Sammy Sosa. What a horses ass. No Sammy you could not produce for us, you leave and get on the Juice and you can drive in runs. May the clams you eat always be bad. You see I have a problem letting things go.

Devil Rays - I think the D'Rays have a chance to get the Wild Card. A couple of breaks and about 1,293 injuries to all the AL teams and they about 8 games back. But if not , Tampa needs to seriously think about one thing. Insurance Fire. Think about it.

So here is what we have for the AL:

East - Yanks - Stupid jerks
Central -Twins - See above
West - Angels
Wild Card - White Sox!!! No they will come up short. I think that it will be close but the A's will weasel their way in. The White Sox will come up short and the Red Sox starting pitching will be a headache.

Your AL Champs - The Kansas City Royals. No I hate to admit but the Yankees will buy their way in after a 7 game series with the Angels.

The World Series - We will have a rematch of one my favorite books "October 64" and the Cards will win again in 7 and the Yankees will be pissed. Hopefully they will fall into dispair as they did the last time the played the Cards in the World Series.

Well that wasn't too bad. Oh wait you are reading it, but my speelling and graammar is not never bad.

Please file all complaints to management and you will get a free 12 piece Jackie Stewart coaster set.

Well, I thought since I am still interested in the season, well at least till the White Sox are eliminated. Hopefully that will be after they roll into town in May. But I thought I would give my amazing predications, dare I say Jane Dixonesque.

The National league

NL West

Giants - I think they will be able to hold the fort till Barry gets back and he will. I use to hate these guys because I have wonderful distaste for Northern California, not the place, just the people. But I somebody I went to school with is playing for them so I root for him more than the Giants. But they have the horse.

Dodgers - I do not know why everyone is down on them. A good part of me thinks they could win this division. The problem I have with Dodgers fans is they want it both ways. I am not the biggest McCort fan but he is getting things in line and DePodesta is trying to get this team out from under the Fox fiasco. I love the Dodgers sense of tradition, but they have to let some things go. Piazza is not coming back, yes it was a bad deal, but it is done.

Padres - You can not help but root for these guys. I have one suggestion. Stop the Camo Uniforms and go back to Old Carl's Jr. Uniforms (This is a long story and I will not bore you with it).

Rockies - Just like me, just waiting for the Broncos to start up.

Diamondbacks - Jerry Calengelo, I hope that World Series title was worth it. Look at what are left with, this, a lot of debt and the Suns, who you sold, are now #1 in the West.

NL Central

The Cards - Few holes and some more pitching, so I think they take home the title.

Astros - I just wish they would go back to the Rainbow Sherbert Uni's. Also is Roger Clemens worth that much? Roger got a great deal from the devil to still be pitching. I think went it is said and done the devil is getting the short end of this deal

Reds - No need for A/C in the Queen City as long as Adam Dunn plays. Plenty of cooling breezes.

Milwaukee - A city named which means the good land has a bad team. This season could be another Ben Ogilive special (ugly).

Pittsburgh - A great park with a bad AAA team. Look Dave Parker and Kent Tekulve are still alive, go out and get the cake hats and bumble bee uni's stat!

The Cubs - I hate this jackasses. As any self respecting White Sox fan should. I hate all of bastards and I hope all choke on your vomit. In fact, I may head to Rome and try to rekindle my attempt to make Steve Bartman a saint. More Cubs hate later.

NL East

Braves - All they do is win Division titles and then soil themselves in the post season. It's kind of a rite of Autum

Marlins- The New Expos, but with talent and two titles. I think it is time to either get them a stadium in Miami or move them to Vegas.

The Mets - Speaking of spring and another rite is about to begin. The Mets spend a ton in the off-season and come up short. Yes I do remember the 2000 World Series but they have spent a ton of money since and get little back. Come on people, Tom Glavine has not been the same and how can we forget the Mo Vaughn experience. The man pulled a groin trying to run out a ham sandwich. Again I could be wrong. I like Beltran, but Pedro is done and all he will be doing is cashing checks.

Philles - Boooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Just wanted to make them feel welcomed here. Thank god you are out that stadium and the Eagles are playing so well our you guys would be screwed. How does Larry Bowa have a job. They will hit a lot of HR's but come up short.

Nationals - Welcome back to DC it will be like you never left, you will still be losing.


So I am going with

Giants
Cards
Braves
Dodger - Wild Card

Cards NL champs again.

Hey the White Sox won 1-0 today. Sweet have we wrapped up the division yet? I know it is wishful thinking, but I can dream.

Yes.

Something has happened that I can not even believe myself. I got into an office pool where I found people who were worse than me. Some how I have staggered out of the wreckage of flaming brackets (I think they are playing at the Whiskey in May), a champion. Even before tip off tonight I have won an office pool. Even though I do not work at that office, I won none the less. Well the wife was the financial backer I just supplied the dumb luck. So hello new tax bracket because here comes Boski and his $30. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed their weekends. I can honsetly say I came very close to accomplishing absolutlty nothing this week. Watched my NFL Eurpoe, watch some college hoops and enjoyed a lovely meal with the wife on Saturday. Other than that, not a damn thing. I think I was out of my house for about 2 hours Saturday and on Sunday I took 4 steps outside my home.

I hope that this is some kind of bad April Fool's gag. Seriously Ron Dayne. Isn't he wanted in the Tri-State area for grand theft and impersonation of an Pro Football Player. I do now officially have a really bad feeling for the upcoming season. WTF! Well I am calling it a weekend. Ron Dayne, Ron Flippin Dayne!

It is that time folks. Can you feel the excitement? No, I thought so. Well tomorrow I can wake up tomorrow and watch this. I should be ashamed, but I not. I do enjoy watching it, not because I have a great desire to root on the Frankfurt Galaxy, even though they have appeared in 6 of the 12 World Bowls. I watch because I love seeing the technical side of football and trying to get a better understanding of playing calling and strategy. The play-by-play does a good job going into it. It is needed, since there are times the action may not be the most scintillating (surprise, surprise). So for the next couple of months I will be enjoying this sports equivalent of a trashy romance novel. Another example of why my wife is wrapping up sainthood.

It worked never mind, please go back to your business.

I going to kill Blogger and just like there service, I will do it for free. I just had some comedy gold be destoryed. Arrrrrggggggghhhhhhh.

Could not help but get a chuckle out of this. I need to ask if this was hit ordered by John McLaughlin. The notorious head of the McLaughlin Group.

We do live in scary times when Pat Buchanan seems moderate.

I do miss watching the Mc Laughling group from time to time. Well I liked the SNL version, but I did watching it with my dad back in my youth. I can hear it like it was just yesterday.

Mc Laughlin: Next question. What did I have for lunch, Jimmy Jimmy Jack Germond?

Germond: "I don't know how that fits in with this debate on Social Sec."

Mc Laughlin: "Wrong. Morton Kondracke, Kondracky, Jack Kerouac"

Kondracke: "Veal"

McLaughlin: "Wrong. The answer is 12 lbs of cocktail franks. Next question. On a scale from 2 to 34.872, with the letter Q being in just right of center-left. How will the Senate react to the season finale of Yes Dear? Lets start with Eleanor Clift, Clift, Montgomery Clift."

Clift: "I have never"

McLaughlin: "Wrong, Fred, Fred Right Said Fred Barnes what say you?"

Barnes: "4.89"

McLaughlin: "Wrong! Kondracke, Kondracke Smoke some Crack!

Konderacke: "I.."

Mc Laughlin: "Wrong! Patahtola Patterson.

Buchanan:"John"

McLaughlin:"Wrong! The answer is Lawrence Welk. Next issue, how pretty am I feeling?"